The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/Is There a Secret to Family Happiness?

WHAT IS A FAMILY?

In western lands, most families consist of a father, a mother, and children. Grandparents may live  in their own household as long as they can. While contact is kept up with more-distant relatives, duties toward these are limited. Basically, this is the family that we will discuss in this book. However, other families have become increasingly common in recent years-the single-parent family, the step-family, and the family whose parents are not living together for one reason or another.  

Common in some cultures is the extended family. In this arrangement, if possible, grandparents are routinely looked after by their children, and close ties and responsibilities extend to distant relatives.  For instance, family members may help to support, raise, and even pay for the education of their nieces, nephews, or more-distant relatives. The principles to be discussed in this publication apply also to extended families.  

Next time: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/Is There a Secret to Family Happiness? -THE FAMILY UNDER STRESS

From the book The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/ Is There a Secret to Family Happiness?

CHAPTER ONE

THE family is the oldest institution on earth, and it plays a vital role in human society. Throughout history, strong families have helped to make strong societies.  The family is the best arrangement for bringing children to be mature adults.

A happy family is a haven of safety and security. Envision the ideal family for a moment. During their evening meal, caring parents sit with their children and discuss the events of the day. Children chatter excitedly as they tell their father and mother about what happened at school.  The relaxing time spent together refreshes everyone for another day in the world outside. 

In a happy family, a child knows that his father and mother will care for him when he gets sick, perhaps taking turns at his bedside through the night.  He knows that he can go to his mother or father with the problems of his young life and get advice and support. Yes, the child feels safe, no matter how trouble-filled the outside world may be.

When children grow up, they usually get married and have a family of their own. "A person realizes how indebted he is to his parents when he has a child of his own," says an Oriental proverb.  With a deep sense of gratitude and love, the grown children try to make their own families happy, and they also care for their now aging parents, who delight in the company of the grandchildren.

Perhaps at this point you are thinking:  'Well, I love my family, but it is not like the one just described.  My spouse and I work different schedules and hardly see each other. We talk mostly about money problems.' Or do you say,  'My children and grandchildren live in another town, and I never get to see them'?  Yes, for reasons often beyond the  control of those involved, much family life is less than ideal. Still, some lead happy family lives. How?  Is there a secret of family happiness?  The answer is yes.  But before discussing what it is, we should answer an important question.  

Next time: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/Is There a Secret to Family Happiness? - WHAT IS A FAMILY?

From the book The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

INTERVIEW/ANTONIO DELLA GATTA -Conclusion of Why a Priest Left His Church

Why  did you start doubting your church?

Three things troubled me.  The church was involved in politics. Misconduct among the clergy and parishioners was tolerated. And certain Catholic teachings did not seem right.  How, for example, could a God of love punish people forever after death? Also, does God really want us to repeat prayers hundreds of times with a rosary?

What did you do?

With tears streaming down my eyes, I prayed for guidance. I also purchased a copy of the Catholic Jerusalem Bible, which had recently been published in Italian, and began reading it.  Then, one Sunday morning as I was hanging up my robes after Mass, two men came in the seminary. They introduced themselves to me as Jehovah's Witnesses.  We talked for more than an hour about the Bible and what is says about identifying marks of true religion. 

What was your impression of the visitors?

I admired their conviction and the ease with which they referred to passages in a Catholic edition of the Bible. Later, another Witness, named Mario began visiting me. He was patient and faithful-every Saturday morning, rain or shine, he rang the seminary doorbell at nine o'clock. 

What did the other priests think of those visits? 

I invited them to join in our discussions, but none took Bible study seriously. I, however, enjoyed it.  I was learning wonderful things, such as why God tolerates evil and suffering-something that had long puzzled me. 

Did you superiors try to dissuade you from studying the Bible? 

In 1975, I visited Rome several times to explain my views. My superiors tried to change my thinking, but none used the Bible. Finally, on January 9, 1976, I wrote to Rome stating that I no longer considered myself a Catholic.  Two days later, I left the seminary and took a train to attend my first meeting of Jehovah's Witnesses, which  turned out to be an assembly involving several congregations. Everything was so different from what I was accustomed  to!  each Witness had a Bible and followed along with the speakers as they discussed various topics. 

What did your family think about all of this?

Most of them bitterly opposed me. I found out, however, that one of my brothers was studying with the Witnesses in Lombardy a region in  northern Italy. I went to see him, and the Witnesses there helped me to find work and a place to live. Later that year, I was baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Do you have any regrets?

Not at all! I feel truly close to God, because what I know about him is based on the Bible, not philosophy or church tradition. And I can teach others with conviction and sincerity.

Next time: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/Is There a Secret of Family Happiness? 

From the Awake! magazine 

INTERVIEW/ANTONIO DELLA GATTA

Why a Priest Left His Church

AFTER studying in Rome for nine years, Antonio Della Gatta was ordained as a priest in 1969.  Later, he served as the rector, or head, of a seminary near Naples, Italy. While there, after much study and meditation, he concluded that the Catholic religion is not based on the Bible.  He spoke with Awake! about his spiritual journey. 

Please tell us about your childhood.

I was born in Italy in 1 943. I grew up with my brothers and sisters in a small village where my father was a farmer and a carpenter. Our parents raised us to be good Catholics.

Why did you want to become a priest?

As a boy, I loved listening to the priests in church. I was enchanted by their voices, as well as the impressive rituals.  So my heart was set on becoming a priest.   When I was 13 years of age, my mother took me to a boarding school that prepared boys for future, more-advanced studies  for the priesthood.

Did your training involve Bible study?

Not really, when I was 15, one of my teachers gave me a copy of the Gospels-the historical accounts of Jesus' life and ministry-and I read the book several times. When I was 18, I went to Rome to study in the pontifical universities, which are directly  under the pope's authority.  I studied Latin, Greek, history, philosophy, and theology. Although we recited verses from the Bible and heard Bible readings in Sunday sermons, we did not actually study the Bible.  

You became a rector. Did that involve teaching? 

My work was mainly administrative.  But I did teach classes on the decrees of the Second Vatican Council. 

Next time: INTERVIEW/ANTONIO DELLA GATTA - C onclusion of Why a Priest Left His Church

From the Awake! magazine 

HELP FOR THE FAMILY/PARENTING -When Your Child Asks About Death

WHAT YOU CAN DO 

Take advantage of opportunities  to talk about death.  If you child sees a dead bird on the side of the road or if a beloved pet dies, use simple questions to encourage him to talk.  For example, you could ask:  "Does a dead animal suffer?  Is it cold or hungry?  How do you know that an animal or a person is dead?" -Bible principle:  Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7. 

Do not hide the truth.  When an acquaintance or a relative has died, avoid using confusing euphemisms such as "He has gone away."  Your child might wrongly conclude that the deceased will soon return home.  Instead use simple and direct words.   For example, you might say:  "When Grandma died, her body stopped working. We can't talk to her, but we will never forget her." -Bible principles: Ephesians 4:25

Reassure your child.  He might think that his actions or thoughts caused someone's death. Instead of just saying that he is not responsible for what happened, you could ask, "What makes you think that it is your fault?" Listen carefully, without belittling his feelings. Also, since a young child might think that death is contagious, assure him that he is safe. 

Draw out your child.  Talk freely about loved ones who have died, including relatives whom your child has never met. You might evoke fond memories of an aunt, an uncle, or a grandparent and relate amusing anecdotes.  When you openly discuss such people, you help your child to understand that he not avoid talking or thinking about them.  A the same time, do not force your child to talk.  You can always broach the subject later, when you feel the time is right. -Bible principles: Proverbs 20:5. 

Next time: INTERVIEW/ANTONIO DELLA GATTA -WHY A PRIEST LEFT HIS CHURCH

From the Awake! magazine 

HELP FOR THE FAMILY/PARENTING

 When Your Children Ask About Death


THE CHALLENGE

Your six-year-old asks,  "Are you going to die someday?" Startled by his question,you wonder: 'Is my child old enough to understand the answer? How can I talk to him about death?

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

* Children do think about death.  Some even play games in which someone pretends to die.  Therefore, death should not be considered a taboo subject, and you should welcome any questions your child may have about it. By occasionally talking openly about death, you help your child to learn how to cope  with the loss of a loved one. 

* Talking about death will not cause your child to have morbid thoughts.   Rather, it will help him alleviate fears.  However, you may need to correct some misunderstandings. For example, some experts say that many children under the age of six do not view death as final.  In their games, a child will be "dead' one moment and "alive" the next. 

When they get a little older, however, children begin to grasp the seriousness of death-a fact that may cause them to have questions, concerns, or even fears, especially if a loved one has died.  Therefore, it is vital that you discuss the subject.  Mental-health expert Marion Haza points out:  "A child will develop anxieties related to death if he feels that he is not allowed to talk about this subject at home." 

* You need not worry excessively about what to say. According to one study, children just want to  "hear the truth expressed in kind words."  Be assured that a child will usually not ask a question unless he is ready to hear the answer.  

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/PARENTING - When Your Child Asks About Death-WHAT YOU CAN DO

From the Awake! magazine 

WISDOM THAT PROTECTS

"Riches are the ransom for a man's life, but the poor are not even threatened." -PROVERBS 13:8.

WHILE being rich may have certain advantages, wealth is a mixed blessing, especially in our precious times.  (2 Timothy 3:1-5) In some lands, the wealthy, including tourists who look affluent, have become targets of thieves and kidnappers seeking a ransom.

Concerning one developing country, a news report stated:  "Violent robberies, fraud and kidnappings pit the haves against the have-nots. Restaurants post armed guards; the homes of the wealthy have walls with razor-wire, floodlights, cameras and security guards." A similar situation exists in many other lands. 

Yet, "the poor," the Bible says, "are not even threatened."  How can you benefit from that gem of wisdom?   If you live in an area known for crime and violence or if you have to travel to such a place, do not attract attention to yourself by appearing to be affluent. Think carefully about what you wear and carry in public, especially if your possessions would be noticed.  "The shrewd one sees the danger," says Proverbs 22: 3, "but the inexperienced keep right on going and suffer the consequences."

The wisdom recorded in the Bible reflects our Creator's care for us. He wants us to be safe. Such "wisdom is a protection," says Ecclesiastes 7:12, for it  "preserves the life of its owner."

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/PARENTING/ When Your Child Asks About Death 

From the Awake! magazine 

IS THE BIBLE RELEVANT TODAY?/TAILOR-MADE AND TIMELESS VALUES

LOVE

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "Clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union." -Colossians 3:14. 

THE BENEFITS: The love predominately mentioned in the Bible is not the romantic or sexual kind. Rather, it is the principled love characterized by such qualities as compassion, forgiveness, humility, loyalty, kindness, mildness, and patience.   (Micah 6:8; Colossians 3:12, 13)  Unlike romantic infatuation, which usually fades with time, love can keep growing indefinitely.

Brenda, who has been married for nearly 30 years, says:  "The love newlyweds have for each other is nothing compared to the love you have as a marriage grows through time." 

Same, a husband for over 12 years, observed:  "My wife and I have always been  delighted-even surprised-at how effective Bible  counsel is, and how simple!  You apply it, and things go smoothly.  However, as much as I want to say that I always apply it, on occasion I haven't, such as when I am feeling overly sensitive, a bit selfish, or tired.  At those times, I ask Jehovah to help me dispel any negative feelings. Then I give my wife a big hug, and before long, it's like nothing unpleasant happened!"

Jesus Christ said that "wisdom is vindicated by its results."  (Matthew 11:19) In the light of that truth, the Bible has all the hallmarks of genuine wisdom. Its teachings and values work.  They are timeless.  They transcend culture and nationality.  And they reflect such deep insight into human nature that they point to a higher Source-our Creator, Jehovah God.  The proof, of course, is in the application. Hence, the Bible invites us to "taste and see that Jehovah is good." (Psalm 34:8) Will you accept that invitation? 

 Next time: WISDOM THAT PROTECTS

From the Awake! magazine 

IS THE BIBLE RELEVANT TODAY?/TAILOR-MADE AND TIMELESS VALUES

FIDELITY

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "Let marriage be honorable  among all, and let the marriage bed be without defilement." -Hebrews 13:4.

THE BENEFITS: Some people consider those words antiquated. But they are wrong-dead wrong!  Unfaithfulness hurts as deeply today as it did when the Bible was penned. -Proverbs 6:34, 35. 

Jessie, who is both a husband and a father wrote:  "Marital faithfulness has contributed greatly to my strong relationship with my wife and to our happiness. Indeed, trust is very important in a marriage. Infidelity destroys that trust"-not to mention the further effects it has on children!

Ligaya put her marriage in jeopardy.   "I began to associated with bad people," she says. This led to my taking part in wild nightlife and to cheating on my husband.  Did this way of life make her happy?  She and her husband constantly argued, and she was miserable.  She adds;  "When I reflected on the embarrassing mess I had got myself into, I realized just how right my parents were when they use to say, 'Bad associations corrupt good morals.' "-1 Corinthians 15:33.

Ligaya continues:  "Before things got worse, I decided to stop my bad ways and study the Bible-this time applying Bible its teachings."  The results?  She saved her marriage, and her husband began to treat her more kindly and respectfully.  "The Bible changed my life," she says, "and I have no regrets about leaving my old ways and so-called friends. 

Next time: IS THE BIBLE RELEVANT TODAY?/TAILOR-MADE AND TIMELESS VALUES -LOVE 

From the Awake! magazine 

IS THE BIBLE RELEVANT TODAY?/TAILOR-MADE AND TIMELESS VALUES

SELF-CONTROL 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "A stupid person gives vent to all his feelings, but the wise one calmly keeps them in check." -Proverbs 29:11.

THE BENEFITS: If you were to list all the benefits of self-control, you would need reams of paper!  At the very least, this quality protects our physical health.  "A calm heart gives life [or,"health,"] to the body," the Bible says.  It also states  that "a joyful heart is good medicine."  (Proverbs 14:30; 17:22) Conversely, studies show that  people who are prone to anger and hostility increase their risk of ill health, especially cardiovascular disease.  Of course, the benefits of self-control go far beyond physical health.

Cassius, now in his 30's, recalls:  "I was quarrelsome and hot-tempered, and I often picked fights. I had very little self-respect.  But all that changed when I began to apply Bible principles.  I learned to control my temper and to cultivate humility and a forgiving spirit. Otherwise, I might have ended up in prison.  Indeed, I feel as though I have been raised from the dead!"

Next time: IS THE BIBLE RELEVANT TODAY?/TAILOR-MADE AND TIMELESS VALUES - FIDELITY

From the Awake! magazine