The Need for Moral Values - HOW TO TEACH MORAL VALUES

Establish a moral code.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "Mature people . . . have their powers of discernment trained to distinguish both right and wrong." - HEBREWS 5:4.

Build a moral vocabulary.  Point to everyday situations and highlight contrasts: "This is honest; that is dishonest."  "This  is loyal; that is disloyal."  "This is kind; that is unkind." In time, your child will connect moral values with actions. 

Explain the reasons for your moral code. For example, ask questions such as: Why is honesty  the best policy?  How can lying damage friendships?  Why is stealing wrong? Appeal to your child's developing conscience and sense of logic. 

Emphasize  the benefits of adhering to good morals.  You could say:  "If you are honest, others will trust you" or if you are kind, people will like being around you." 

Next time: The Need for Moral Values - Continue  with HOW TO TEACH MORAL VALUES

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The Need for Moral Values - WHAT ARE MORAL VALUES?

People with moral values have a clear sense of right and wrong.  Their moral code  is not based on how they feel at the moment. Rather, it is founded on a firm set of principles that act as a guide for conduct-even when others are not watching.

WHY ARE MORAL VALUES IMPORTANT?

Children are bombarded with distorted messages about morals, whether from the people they go to school with , the music they listen to, or the movies and TV shows the watch.  Such influences can challenge their beliefs about what is right and what is wrong.

That is especially true during the teen years.  By that  time, says the book Beyond the Big Talk, they "need to understand the intense peer  and media pressures to be popular and accepted, and they need to learn to make decisions consistent with their own values and choice, even if that means going against their friends."  Clearly, training needs to begin before adolescence.

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The Value of Adult Guidance - Teach by Example

* Am I a good role model for my children?

* Do I show my children that I too look up to my those with greater experience as mentors?

* Do I demonstrate that my children are important to me by spending time with them? 

What We Did

"Sometimes when I am in the middle of something, my daughter will say she wants to talk. I always make sure that she is a priority, even if I have to tell her to wait a few minutes so that she can have my undivided attention. My wife and I also strive to set a good example so she will see that we l9ive by the same principles we are teaching her." - David.
"When our daughter as born, my husband and I decided that I would not work but would stay home to raise her. I do not regret that decision.  It is very important to do as much as  possible to be present in a child's life so that he or she w0ould have proper guidance and direction.  More important, being there shows your child  that you care." - Lisa.

SPENDING TIME WITH ADULTS

"My children have grown up around a diverse group of adults, and this has helped them to see life through other people's experiences.  For example, they were amazed when my grandmother told them that when she was a little girl, her family  was the first one to get an electric light. She told them that people from surrounding areas came to their house just to  stand in the kitchen and watch the light being turned on and off. That story made my children see how different life uses to be. Learning about their great-grandmother in this way also helped them to have respect for her and other older ones. When children spend more time wish adults-and less time with their peers-they are able to see life from a different perspective." - Miranda.

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The Value of Adult Guidance - Conclusion of HOW TO PROVIDE GUIDANCE

Provide a mentor.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "The one walking with the wise will become wise." - PROVERBS 13:20. 

Can you think of an adult who might be a good role model for your adolescent? Why not arrange for that person to spend time with him or her?  Of course, you  should not abdicate your parental authority. But the encouragements from a trusted adult who you know will not harm your child can supplement the training you provide. In the Bible,  Timothy-even as an adult-benefited greatly from the association he had with the apostle Paul, and Paul benefited from Timothy's companionship. - PHILIPPIANS 2:20, 22.

During the past century, many families have become somewhat fragmented, as grandparents, uncles, aunts, and other relatives may live in another part of the world. If that is true in your case, try to provide your teens with opportunities to learn from adults who have traits that you would like to see in your children.

TRAIN NOW

A child who looks to adults for guidance is more likely to display wisdom and maturity later in life. 


Next time: The Value of Adult Guidance - Teach by Example

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The Value of Adult Guidance - HOW TO PROVIDE GUIDANCE

Spend time with your children.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Train a child in the way he should go; even when he grows old he will not depart from it." - PROVERBS 22:6. 

Children naturally look to their parents for guidance. In fact, experts say that even as children enter the teen years, they tend to value the advice of their parents over that of their peers.  Parents remain the major influence on their child's attitudes and behavior through adolescence into adulthood, writes Dr. Laurence Steinberg in the book You and Your Adolescent.  He adds:  "Adolescents care what you think and listen to what you say, even if they don't always admit to it or agree with every point."

Take advantage of your children's natural inclination to look up to you. Spend time with your children and share your viewpoints, values, and experiences with them.  

Next time: The Value of Adult Guidance - Conclusion of HOW TO PROVIDE GUIDANCE

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The Value of Adult Guidance - WHAT DOES ADULT GUIDANCE INVOLVE?

Children need adults in their life who can provide leadership and advice.  As a parent, you are in the best position to fulfill that role; in fact, it is your duty. However, other adults can be mentors to your children as well.

WHY IS ADULT GUIDANCE IMPORTANT?

In many lands, young people have little interaction with adults. Consider this: 

* Children spend much of their day at school, where students  outnumber teachers and other adults.

* After school, some youths return to a home that is empty because both parents have to work.

* One study found that in the United States, children between 8 and 12 years of age spend an average of about six hours on entertainment media each day.  

The book Hold On to Your Kids says:  "Young people are turning for instruction, modeling, and guidance not to mothers, fathers, teachers and other responsible adults but to . . . their own peers." 



Next time: The Value of Adult Guidance - HOW TO PROVIDE GUIDANCE

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How to Be Responsible - Conclusion of HOW TO TEACH RESPONSIBILITY

Help your children  take responsibility for their mistakes.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  
"Listen to counsel and accept discipline, in order to become wise in your future.'- PROVERBS 19:20.

When your children make mistakes-for example, if your son or daughter accidentally damages another person's property-resist the urge to cover up what happened. Children can accept the consequences-in this case, apologizing and perhaps even making restitution.

Owning up to mistakes and failures teach your children

* to be honest and admit their errors

* to avoid blaming others

* to avoid making excuses

* to apologize, when appropriate

TRAIN NOW

Children who are taught to be responsible will be able to manage their life more effectively as adults

Teach by Example

* Am I industrious, organized, and punctual?

* Do my children see me working around the home?

* Do I acknowledge my mistakes, even apologizing when necessary?

What We Did

"If I was making dinner, the children helped from a very young age. If I was folding laundry, they folded some too.  If If I was dusting,they dusted. Work became fun for them.  They were happy just to be with me, doing what I was doing. That's how they learned to be responsible." - Laura.

"Once. I had our young son call a family friend and tell her he was sorry for being rude. Over the years he's had to apologize on numerous occasions for saying honest but unkind things, but now he has learned to apologize  freely when he makes a mistake."  Debra.

BENEFITS OF CONSEQUENCES

"Children make mistakes, and when they do, it's vital that parents remember that the educational benefits of consequences are a gift," writes educator Jessica Lahey in the Atlantic magazine. "Year after year, my 'best'students-the ones who are happiest and successful in their lives-are the students who were allowed to fail, held responsible for missteps. and challenged to be the best people  they could be in the face of their mistakes."

 Next time: The Value of Adult Guidance - WHAT DOES ADULT GUIDANCE INVOLVE?

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How to Be Responsible - HOW TO TEACH RESPONSIBILITY

Assign chores. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:"There is benefit in every kind of hard work." - PROVERBS 14:23.

Young children are eager to work alongside their parents. You can take advantage of this natural inclination by assigning your children chores around the house.

 Some parents are reluctant to do that.  They reason that their school-age children face a mountain of homework each day, so why add to their burden?

However, children who do chores are more likely to succeed at school, since chores teach them to  accept assignments and complete task. Besides, notes the book Parenting Without Borders,  "when we ignore our children's eagerness to participate when they are younger, they internalize the idea  that contributing is unimportant , , , They also begin  to expect that things will be done for them."

As that quote indicates, doing chores trains children to be contributors rather than consumers, givers rather than takers. Chores help children realize that hey have a valued place in the family-and a responsibility toward it.

Next time: How to Be Responsible - Conclusion of HOW TO TEACH RESPONSIBILITY

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How to Be Responsible - WHAT DOES BING RESPONSIBLE INVOLVE?

People who are responsible are reliable. They follow through on assigned tasks and complete them on time.

Even with their limited capabilities, very young children can start learning to be responsible.  "A child's capacity to cooperate begins by fifteen months, and his desire to start willingly pitching in starts around eighteen month," says the book Parenting Without Borders.  "In many cultures parents begin to hone their children's  helpfulness especially between the ages of five and seven, and children this young competently  assist in many domestic tasks." 

WHY IS BEING RESPONSIBLE IMPORTANT?

The term "boomerang generation" describes young adults who learn home and try to live on their own but fall on hard times and  return to Mom and Dad. In some cases, this happens because the youth has never been taught to manage money, run a household, or live up to daily responsibilities.

Therefore, it is best if you train your child for the responsibilities of adulthood.  "You don't want to keep them dependent on upon you until they turn eighteen and then dump them out into the real world,"says the book How to Raise an Adult.

Next time: How to Be Responsible - HOW TO TEACH RESPONSIBILITY

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How to Be Resilient - HOW TO TEACH RESILIENCE

When your child receives constructive criticism.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  Listen to counsel . . .  in order to become wise in your future." -PROVERBS 19:20.

Constructive criticism  is not bullying; it is guidance that addresses  an action or an attitude that needs to change. 

When you teach your child to accept correction, both of you are spared much grief.  "If children are always rescued from their errors," says a father named John, "they will never learn. They will jump from one problem to the next, and you will spend your life following them, stomping out the fires that they cause.  That makes life miserable for the parents and for the child. 

How can you  help your child benefit from constructive criticism?  When your child receives it-whether at school or anywhere else-resist the urge to say that the correction is unfair. Instead, you could ask: 

* "Why do you think the correction was given?"

* "How can you improve."

* "What will you do the next time you are in the situation?"

Remember, constructive criticism will serve your child well, not only  now but also in adulthood.

TRAIN NOW

A child who is able to bounce back from disappointments and mistakes is more likely to persevere when learning skills and to become proficient at them.

Teach by Example

* Do I admit my mistakes, or do I blame others?

* Do I talk about my failures and what I learned from them?

* Do I ridicule others for their mistakes?

What We Did . . . 

"We did not protect  our child from every challenge, failure, or  mistake.  When I was young, enduing those things made me a better person. I feel that both of our children grew up to be balanced, well-adjusted adults because they were not pampered." - Jeff.

"When my wife and I made mistakes with our children, we would always apologize.  I believe that my parents should share their mistakes, setbacks, and errors with  their children to emphasize that it's just part of life." - James.

Next time: How to Be Responsible -WHAT DOES BEING RESPONSIBLE INVOLVE?

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