The Benefits of Self-Control -HOW TO TEACH SELF-CONTROL

 Learn to say it and mean it. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Let your word 'yes' mean yes, and your 'no' mean no." - MATTHEW 5:37.  

Young children might test a parent's resolve by throwing a tantrum-perhaps even in public. If the parent gives in, the child learns that  tantrums are an effective way to get a no changed  to a yes. 

On the other hand, if the parent says no and means it, the child learns a basic fact of life-that we cannot always get what we want.  ""Ironically, people who learn that lesson seem to be the most fulfilled<" writes Dr. David Walsh.  "We're not doing our kids any favors  when we teach them that the world will always serve up; whatever they want on  silver platter."

Saying no to your child now will help him to say no to himself later in life-for example, if he is tempted to take drugs, have  premarital sex, or engage in other harmful practices.  

Next time: The Benefits of Self-Control - Continue with HOW TO TEACH SELF-CONTROL

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The Benefits of Self -Control

 WHAT IT SELF-CONTROL?

Self-control includes the ability to

* delay gratifications

* restrain impulses

* complete unpleasant tasks

* put others before self

WHY IS SELF-CONTROL IMPORTANT?

Children who have greater self-control can resist temptation, even if the temptation promises short-term rewards. In contrast, children with less self control may be more likely to 

* be aggressive 

* suffer depression

* smoke or abuse drugs or alcohol.

* make poor choices in what they eat

One  study found that children with greater self-control were less likely, as adults to have healthy issues, financial stress, and problems with the law.  That study led Professor Angela Duckworth of the University of Pennsylvania to conclude:  "There may be no such things as 'too much' self-control. 

Next time: The Benefits of Self-Control - HOW TO TEACH SELF-CONTROL

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The Need for Moral Values - Continue with HOW TO TEACH MORAL VALIUES

 Reinforce moral values.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Maintain a good conscience." - 1 PETER 3:16.

* Commend good behavior.   If your child displays good moral values in what he does, praise him for it and explain why.  For example, you could say: "You were honest.  I am proud of you.." If your child confesses to having done something wrong, sincerely commend him for his honesty before you correct him.

* Correct bad behavior.  Help your children accept responsibility for their actions. Children should know what they did wrong and how their conduct deviates from the family's value  system.  Some parents are reluctant to make their child  "feel bad" about misbehavior, but discussing bad behavior with your child this way will help him develop a conscience that is sensitive to right and wrong. 

TRAIN NOW

Children who see their parents display honesty are more likely to resist temptations  to be dishonest when on their own. 

Teach by Example

* Do my children see in my actions and words that I live by the values that our family has adopted?

*   Do my spouse and I promote the same values?

* Do I justify ignoring moral code by saying or thinking.  "This is Ok for adults"? 

WHAT WE DID

"We used the experiences of others to show the benefits of good morals and compared the results they had with those of people who made unwise  decisions.  When our children about a peer who made a poor choice, we discussed it with them so that they would not go down the dame path." Nicole.

 "When our daughter was very young, we would tell her that she had two choices-one good and the other bad-an we outlined the consequences of each.  From this, she learned to make decisions.  It was a vital lesson, since life is all about choices, no matter how old we are."- Yolanda. 

Next time: The Benefits of Self-Control - WHAT IS SELF-CONTROL?

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The Need for Moral Values - Continue with HOW TO TEACH MORAL VALUES

 Make your moral code part of your family identity.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Keep proving what you yourselves are." - 2 CORINTHIANS 13:5. 

* Your moral code should be part of your family, so  that you can truthfully say:

* "In our family we do not lie."

* "We do not hit others or scream at them." 

* We do not approve of abusive speech. 

Your  child will see that moral values are not mere rules to follow but that they make up the family's identity. 

* Frequently discuss your family values with your child. Use everyday situations as object lessons.  You could compare your values with those presented in the media or in school. Ask your child questions like: "What would have done?"  "How would our family have handled this? 

Next time: The Need for Moral Values - Conclusion of HOW TO TEACH MORAL VALUES

 From the  jw.org publications

The Need for Moral Values - HOW TO TEACH MORAL VALUES

 Establish a moral code.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "Mature people . . .have their powers of discernment trained to distinguish both right and wrong." - HEBREWS 5:14.

* Build a moral vocabulary. Point to everyday situations and highlight contrasts; that is dishonest." "This is loyal; that is disloyal." "This is kind; that is unkind." In time, your child will connect moral values and actions.

* Explain the reasons for your moral code. For example, ask questions such as : Why is honesty is the best policy? How can lying damage friendships?  Why is stealing wrong?  Appeal to your child's developing conscience and sense of logic. 

* Emphasize the benefits of adhering  to good morals.  You could say: "If  you are honest,  others will trust you" or "if you are kind, people will like being around you." 

Next time: The Need for Moral Values - Continue with HOW TO TEACH MORAL VALUES

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The Need for Moral Valiues

 

WHAT ARE MORAL VALUES?

People with moral values have a clear sense of right and wrong.  Their moral code is not based on how they feel at the moment.  Rather it is founded on a firm set principles that act as a guide for conduct-even when others are not watching.

WHY ARE MORAL VALUES IMPORTANT?

Children are bombarded with distorted messages about morals, whether from the people they go to school with. the music they listen to, or the movies and TV shows they watch.  Such influences can challenge their beliefs about what is right and wrong.

That is especially true during the teen years.  By that time, says the book Beyond the Big Talk, they need to understand the intense peer and media pressure to be  popular and accepted and they need to learn to make decisions  consistent with their own values and choices, even if that means going against their friends." Clearly, training needs to begin before adolescence. 

Next time: The Need for Moral Values -HOW TO TEACH MORAL VALUES

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The Value of Adult Guidance

 TRAIN NOW

A child who looks to adults for guidance is more likely to display wisdom and maturity later in life.

TEACH BY EXAMPLE

*  Am I a good role model for my children?

*  Do I show my children that I look up to those with greater experience as mentors? 

*  Do I demonstrate that my children are important to me by spending time with them? 

WHAT WE DID

"Sometimes when I am in the middle of something, my daughter will say she wants to talk.  I always make sure that she is a priority, even if I have to tell her to wait a few minutes so she can have my undivided attention.  My wife and I  also strive to set a good example that she will see that we live by the same principles we are teaching her." - David.

"When our daughter was born , my husband and I decided that I would not work but would stay  home to help raise her. I do not regret  that decision. It is very important to do as much as possibnle to be present in a child's life so that he or she will have proper guidance and direction. More important, being there shows your child that you care." - Lisa.

SPENDING TIME WITH ADULTS

"My children have grown up around a diverse group of adults, and this had helped them to see life through other people's experiences.  For example, they were amazed when my grandmother told them that she was a little girl, her family was the first one to get an electric light.  She told them that people from our surrounding areas came to their home just to stand in the kitchen and watch the light being turned on and and on off. That story made my  children see how different life use to be.  Learning about their great grand-grandmother in this way also helped them to have respect for her and for other older ones.  When children spend more time  with adults-and less with their peers-they are alive to see life from a different perspective." - Maranda.

Next time: The Need for Moral Values - WHAT ARE MORAL VALUES?

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The Value of Adult Guidance

 HOW TO PROVIDE GUIDANCE

Spend time with your children.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Train a child in the way he should go; even when he grows old he will not depart from it." - PROVERBS 22:6.

Children naturally look to their parents for guidance.  In fact, experts say that even as children enter the teen years, they tend to value the advice of their parents over that of their peers.  "Parents remain the major influence on their child's attitudes and behavior through adolescence and adulthood," writes Dr. Laurence Steinberg in the book You and Your Adolescent. He adds: "Adolescents care what you think and listen to what you say, even if they don't always admit it or agree with every point." 

Take advantage of your children's natural inclination to look up to you. Spend time with your children and share your viewpoints, values, and experiences with them.

Provide a mentor

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "The one walking with the wise will become wise." - PROVERBS 13:20. 

Can you think of an adult who might be a good role mode; for your adolescent?  Why not arrange for that person to spend time with him or her?  Of course, you should not abdicate your parental authority. But the encouragement from a trusted adult who you know will not harm your child can supplement the training you provide.  In the Bible, Timothy-even as an adult- benefited greatly from the association he had the apostle Paul, and Paul benefited from Timothy's companionship. - PHILIPPIANS 2:20, 22.

During  the past century, many families have become somewhat fragmented, as grandparents, uncles, aunts, and other relatives may live in another part of the world If that is true in your case, try to  provide your teens with opportunities to learn from adults who have traits that you would like to see in your children.

Next time: The Value of Adult Guidance - TRAIN NOW

From the jw.org publications

The Value of Adult Guidance

 WHAT DOES ADULT GUIDANCE INVOLVE?

Children need adults in their life who provide leadership and advice. As a parent, you are in the best postion to fulfill that role, in fact, it is your duty. However, other adults can be mentors to your children as well. 

WHY IS ADULT GUIDANCE IMPORTANT?

In many lands, young people have little interaction with adults.  Consider this: 

* Children spend much of their day as school, where students outnumber teachers and other adults. 

*  After school, some youths return to a home that is empty because both parents have to work.

*  One study found that in the United States, children between 8 and 12 years of age spend an average of about six hours in entertainment media each day.

The book Hold on to Your Kids says:  "Young people are turning for instruction, modeling, and guidance not to mothers, fathers, and teachers, and other responsible adults but to . . . their own peers." 

Next time: The Value of Adult Guidance - HOW TO PROVIDE ADULT GUIDANCE

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How to Be Responsible - Conclusion of HOW TO TEACH RESPONSIBILITY

 Help your children take responsibility for their mistakes.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Listen to counsel and accept discipline, in order to become wise in your future" - PROVERBS 19:20.

When your children make mistakes-for example, if your son or daughter accidentally damages another person's property-resist the urge to cover up what happened.  Children can accept the consequences-in this case, apologizing and even making restitution. 

Owning up to mistakes and failures will teach your children

* to be honest and admit their errors

* to avoid blaming others

* to avoid making excuses

* to apologize, when appropriate

TRAIN NOW

Children who are taught to be responsible will be able to manage their life more effectively as adults.

Teach by Example

* Am I industrious, organized, and punctual?

* Do my  children see me working around the homme?

* Do I acknowledge my mistakes, even apologizing when necessary? 

What We Did

"If I was making dinner, the children helped me from a very young age. If I was folding laundry, they folded some too. If i was dusting, they dusted. Work became fun for them.  They were happy just to be with me, doing what I was doing. That's how the learned to be responsible." -Laura.

"Once I had our young son call a family friend and tell her he was sorry for being rude. Over the years he's had to apologize on numerous occasions for saying honest but unkind things, but now he has learned to apologized freely when he makes a mistake." - Debra.

THE BENEFITS OF CONSEQUENCES

"Children make mistakes. and when they do, its vital that parents remember  that the educational benefits of consequences  are a gift," writes educator Jessica Lahey in the Atlantic magazine.  " Year after year, my best students -the ones who are happiest and successful in their lives -are the students who were allowed to fail, held responsible for missteps, and challenged to be the best people  they could be in the face of their mistakes."

Next time:  The Value of Adult Guidance - WHAT DOES ADULT GUIDANCE INVOLVE?

From the jw.org publications