Obstacles To Wholesome Communication

Most couples approach marriage with optimism, even euphoria. For many, however, the euphoria soon evaporates, and the optimism fades. Assuredness may be replaced by a bitter mixture of frustration, anger, hostility, even strong dislike. The marriage then becomes a situation of mere endurance "til death do us part." To improve or sustain the wholesome communication necessary for a good marriage, then, certain obstacles must be overcome. A real obstacle to wholesome communication can be fear of how a marriage mate would react to certain information or expressed desire. For instance, fear of rejection may arise after one learns that a serious disability is developing. how does one explain to a mate that an upcoming procedure will drastically alter one's appearance or ability to function? In such cases, honest communication and thoughtful planning for the future are needed as never before. Verbal assurances of continuing love, along with frequent acts of tenderness, would communicate a personal interest that would help promote a truly satisfying marriage. In marriage this proverb should find its richest expression: "A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress."-Proverbs 17:17.

Resentment is another obstacle to wholesome communication. It has fittingly been said that a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. To fit that description, a married couple would make every effort to follow the apostle Paul's practical advice: "Let the sun not set with you in a provoked state." (Ephesians 4:26) Applying this counsel instead of nursing anger or resentment certainly calls for humble communication. Partners in a good marriage do persistently succumb to anger, quarreling, and holding a grudge. (Proverbs 30:33) They seek to imitate God, who does not harbor resentment. (Jeremiah 3:12) Indeed, they forgive each other from the heart.- Matthew 18:35.

A definite obstacle to any kind of communication is the silent treatment. This may involve glum expressions, heavy sighs, robot like actions and a one-sided embargo on speech. A marriage mate who acts in this way is communicating some form of displeasure. But vocalizing personal feelings in a frank winning manner does much more to improve a marriage than does remaining silent and sullen.

Failure to listen well or at all when a mate speaks is another hurdle that must be overcome for good communication in the close quarters of marriage. Perhaps we are too tired or just to busy to muster the mental and emotional energy needed to listen to each other carefully. Arguments may erupt over misunderstood arrangements that one mate thought were clearly spelled out but that the other insists are being heard for the first time. Obviously, poor communication is responsible for such difficulties.

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