HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE

Dealing With Differences

THE CHALLENGE 

You enjoy sports; your spouse would rather read.  You are meticulous and efficient; your spouse is quite disorganized. You love to socialize; your spouse prefers privacy. 

'We just aren't compatible!' You tell yourself. 'why didn't we notice that when we were dating?' 

Likely you did notice it, at least to a degree.  But back then you were probably  quicker to make concessions-a skill that would do you well to revive, now that you are married.  This article will help you do that.  First, though, consider some facts about supposed incompatibilities.  

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Some differences are serious.  A big part of dating is determining compatibility.  Hence, when serious differences  are discovered while dating, many couples break up rather than unwisely enter into a polarized marriage. But what about less serious differences-the kind that are unavoidable in any marriage? 

No two people are completely alike.  Therefore, it is normal for spouses to have differences  in one or more of the following areas:  

Interests. "Outdoor activities have never appealed to me," says a wife named Anna, but my husband grew up climbing snowy mountains and trekking for days through the bush. 

Habits. "My wife can stay up late at night and still jump us at 5:00 a.m., but I need seven to eight hours of sleep  or else I get grumpy," says a husband named Brian.  

Traits.  You might be reserved, while your spouse is expressive.  "I grew up not talking about my personal problems," says a husband named David, "but my wife came from a family  where everything was discussed openly." 

Differences can be beneficial. "My way might be good but that doesn't mean it's the only way," says a wife named Helena. 

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE -Dealing With Differences/WHAT YOU CAN DO 

From the Awake! magazine