MAKING PEACE AT HOME

Conclusion of How to Stop Strife in the Home

4. CAREFULLY CONSIDER WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID AND HOW TO SAY IT.

It will not improve matters if you focus your efforts on preparing a finely honed, cutting rebuttal.  Instead, try to say something that can help soothe your loved one's hurt feelings. And rather than dictating how you think he or she should be feeling, humbly ask for clarification and express thanks for any help or insight you receive. 

5. KEEP YOUR VOLUME  DOWN AND YOUR TONE CONCILIATORY. 

One family member's impatience can easily rouse another's anger.  Resist the urge to be sarcastic or insulting or to raise your voice, no matter how offended you may feel. Avoid hurtful accusations, such as "You don't care about me" or "you never listen." Rather, tell your spouse in a calm manner how his or her conduct has affected you ("I feel hurt when you .  . ."). Shoving, slapping, kicking, or any other form of violence is never excusable. The same is true of name-calling, contemptuous comments, or threats.  

6. BE QUICK TO APOLOGIZE, AND EXPLAIN WHAT YOU WILL DO TO RECTIFY THE SITUATION.

Do not let negative emotion s cause you to lose sight of your main objective-making peace. Remember, if you fight with someone, both of you lose. If you make peace, both of you win.  So take responsibility for your part in the dispute. Even if you are convince that you have done nothing wrong, you can still apologize for getting irritated, responding the way you did or unintentionally contributing to the upset.  Peaceful relationships are more important  than pride and victory. And if someone apologizes to you. Be quick to forgive. 

Next time: How to Promote Peace in the Family 

From the Awake! magazine