Raising Responsible Children - Have Reasonable Expectations

Jesus recognized that it would take  time before his disciples would be ready to assume the roles and responsibilities he was expecting of them. He once said to them:  "I have many things yet to say to you, but you are not able to bear them at present." (John 16:12)  Jesus did not immediately ask his disciples to do anything independent of him. Rather, he spent much time teaching them many things.  Only when he thought they were ready did Jesus send his disciples out on their own.

Similarly, it is unreasonable for parents to ask children to assume adult responsibilities before they are ready. Even so, as children grow, parents should determine what assignments and tasks are appropriate for them.  For example, parents need to teach their children to be responsible for  their own personal cleanliness, to clean their own room, to be punctual, and to manage money wisely. When a child begins school, parents should expect the child to view his  or her schoolwork as an important responsibility that the child must care for. 

Parents need to do more than assign responsibilities to their child.  They must also support the child's efforts to succeed.  George, the father mentioned earlier, realized that part   of the reason Michael became so upset about putting away his toys was that the task seemed overwhelming.  "Instead of just yelling at Michael to pick up his toys" says George,  "I tried teaching him a system for getting the work done." 

What specifically did he do? "First, says George, "I established a set time to pick up the toys each night.  Then, I worked  along with Michael, doing one section of the room at a time.   I made a game of the task, even turning it into a contest to see who could work the fastest.  Soon, the process became part of the bedtime routine.  I promised Michael that if he did the job quickly, I would read an extra bedtime story to him.  But if he dawdled, then story-time would be cut short.

TRY THIS:  Analyze what each of your children could reasonably be expected to do that would contribute to the smooth running of your household. Ask yourself, 'Are there things that I am still doing for my children that they can do for themselves?  If so, work with your children until you are sure that they can handles the assignment on their own. Make it clear that there will be consequences, either good or bad. depending on how well the children care for their assigned task.  Then, either enforce the consequences or grant the rewards. 

Next time: Raising Responsible Children - Provide Specific Instructions

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