HELP FOR THOSE WHO GRIEVE - What to Expect

Troublesome thinking patterns.  There may be  periods during which one's thoughts become erratic or illogical.  For instance, a bereaved person may imagine that the diseased one can be heard, felt or seen.  Or the bereaved one may find it difficult to concentrate or to remember things.   Tina says:  "Sometimes I'd be having a conversation, but I'd find that my mind wasn't there!  It was racing, going over the events surrounding Timo's death.  The inability to focus was of" itself distressing." 

A desire to withdraw.  A grieving person may feel irritable or awkward in the presence of others. Says Kostas:  "In the company of couples, I felt like a fifth wheel.  But I also felt out of place with single people."  Ivan's wife, Yolanda, remembers:  "It was so difficult to be around people who complained about problems that seemed trivial  compared to ours! Then, too, there were those who would tell us how well their children were doing.  I was happy for them, yet at the same time. I found it hard to listen to them. My husband and I understood that life goes on, but we simply don't have the desire or patience to deal with it."

 Health problems.  Changes in appetite, weight, and sleep patterns are common. Aaron recalls the year following the death of his father: "I definitely had trouble sleeping.  I would wake up at the same time every night thinking about my father's death." 

Alejandro recalls having mysterious health problems:  "Several times I was examined by a doctor and was assured  that I was healthy.  I suspected that grief was causing my physical symptoms."  Those symptoms  eventually disappeared. Even so, Alejandro's  decision to see a doctor was wise. Grieving can lower the immune system, aggravate an existing health problem, or even cause a new one.

Next time: Conclusion of HELP FOR THOSE WHO GRIEVE - What to Expect

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