THE WAY OF HAPPINESS -Purpose in Life

HUMANS ARE UNIQUE IN MANY WAYS-WE WRITE, WE PAINT, WE CREATE, AND WE THINK ABOUT LIFE'S BIG QUESTIONS:  Why does the universe exist?  How do we come to be?  What is the purpose of life? What does the future hold?

Some people shy away from those questions, thinking that the answers are beyond us.  Others say that such questions are pointless because life is a product of mindless evolution.  "There are no gods, no purposes," claimed professors of history and biology. William Provine.  He added:  "There is no ultimate foundation for ethics, no ultimate meaning in life."  

Some people, however, consider that fatalistic outlook unacceptable.  They see a universe that is governed by precise, elegant, mathematical laws.  They marvel at the impressive designs in nature, some of which humans try to mimic in man-made products.  And everyday experience tells them that complex, highly functional designs point to intelligence, not undirected forces.

Such reasoning has moved some evolutionists to reconsider their position. Note the following two examples.

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Purpose in Life

From the jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS -Conclusion of Forgiveness

FORGIVE YOURSELF. Self-forgiveness can be "the most difficult to achieve," yet "the most important to health"-mental and physical-according to your physician-according to the journal Disability & Rehabilitation.  What can help you to forgive yourself?

* Do not expect perfection from yourself, but realistically accept that you -like all of us-will make mistakes. -Ecclesiastes 7:20.

* Learn from your errors so that you will be less likely to repeat them

* Be patients with yourself; some personality flaws and bad habits may not go away overnight. - Ephesians 4:23, 24

* Associations with friends are encouraging, positive, and kind but who will also be honest  with you. -Proverbs 13:20

* If you hurt someone, take responsibility for it and be quick to apologize.  When you make peace, you will gain inner peace. -Matthew 5:23, 24, 

BIBLE PRINCIPLES THAT REALLY WORK!

After studying the Bible, Patricia, quoted at the outset, learn to forgive. "I feel liberated from the anger that poisoned my life," she wrote.  "I no longer suffer and I don't make others suffer.   Bible principles confirm that God loves us and wants the best for us."

 A man named Ron said:  "I could not control the thoughts and actions of others.  But I could control my own. If I wanted peace, I had to let go of resentment.  I began to view peace and resentment as north and south.  I could not be in both places at the same time. I now have a good conscience." 

KEY POINTS 

"Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely. -Colossians 3:13.

Forgiveness leads to . . .

* Healthier relationships and inner peace

* Less anxiety, hostility, stress

* Improved physical, mental, and spiritual health

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Purpose in  Life

From the jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Forgiveness

"DURING  MY CHILDHOOD, I HEARD A LOT OF INSULTS AND SCREAMING,"  said a woman named Patricia.  "I did not learn to forgive.  Even as an adult, I would dwell on an offense for days, losing sleep." Yes, a life filled with anger and resentment is neither a happy one or a healthy one.  Indeed, studies show that unforgiving people may . . .

* Let anger or bitterness sour relationships, leading to isolation and loneliness

* Become easily offended, anxious, or even severely depressed

* Become so focused on a wrong that they cannot enjoy life

* Feel that they are at odds with their spiritual values

* Experience increased stress and a higher risk of ill health, including high blood pressure, heart disease, and pain disorders, such as arthritis and headaches

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?  Forgiveness means pardoning an offender and letting go of anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge.  It does not mean condoning a wrong, minimizing it, or pretending that it did not happen.  Rather forgiveness is a well-thought-out personal choice that reflects a loving commitment to peace and to building or maintaining a good relationship with the other person. 

Forgiveness also reflects understanding.  A forgiving person understands that we all err, or sin, in word and deed.  (Romans 3:23)  Reflecting such insight, the Bible says:  "Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another." -Colossians 3:13. 

It stands to reason, then, that forgiveness is an important facet of love, which is "a perfect bond of union." (Colossians 3:14)  Indeed, according to the May Clinic website, forgiveness leads to . . .

* Healthy relationships, including feelings of empathy, understanding, and compassion for the offender

* Improved mental and spiritual well-being

* Less anxiety, stress, and hostility

* Fewer symptoms of depression

Next time:  THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Conclusion of Forgiveness

From the jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - UNITED BY "A PERFECT BOND OF UNION"

When self-sacrificing love exists between parents, any children in the family benefit greatly.  A young women named Jessica observed:  "My father and mother truly love and respect each other.  When I see my mother respect my father, especially when dealing with us children, it make me want to be just like her." 

Love is God's foremost quality.  In fact, The Bible says:  "God is love." (1 John 4:8) It thus comes as no surprise that Jehovah is also called "the happy God."  (1 Timothy 1:11)  We too will be happy when we strive to imitate our Creator's qualities-especially his love. Says Ephesians 5:1,2: "Become imitators of God, as beloved children, and go on walking in love." 

KEY POINTS 

'Love is patient and kind.  It bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.' -1 Corinthians 13:4, 8,

Love promotes happiness because it . . .

* Helps us to show sincere concern for the welfare of others

* Can grow stronger over time

* Gives strength and resilience to friendships and marriages

* Helps children to thrive and feel secure

* Makes us more like our Creator

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Forgiveness

From the jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - UNITED BY "A PERFECT BOND OF UNION"

 Jesus Christ taught important principles on marriage.  For instance, he said:  '"A man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh' . . . Therefore, what God has yoked together, let no man put apart." (Matthew 19:5, 6) At least two important principles stand out.

"THE TWO WILL BE ONE FLESH." Marriage is the most intimate union humans can have, and love can protect it against infidelity-that is, the husband and wife becoming "one body" with someone other than his or her spouse. (1 Corinthians 6:16; Hebrews 13:4)  Unfaithfulness shatters trust and can wreck the marriage.  If children are involve, they may be emotionally traumatized, feeling unloved, insecure, or even resentful.



"WHAT GOD HAS YOKED TOGETHER." Marriage is also a sacred union.  Couples who respect that fact strive to strengthen their marriage.  They do not look for a way out when difficulties arise.  Their love is strong and resilient.  Such a love "bears all things,"  working through difficulties in an effort to maintain marital harmony and peace.

Next time: THE WAY TO HAPPINESS - Conclusion of UNITED BY "A PERFECT BOND OF UNION

From the  jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Love

HUMANS CRAVE LOVE. No marriage, family, or friendship can thrive without it.  It stands to reason, therefore, that love is essential to mental health and happiness.  What, though, is meant by "love"? 

The love referred to here is not romantic love, which of course, has its place.  Rather, it is a superior form of love that causes a person to show sincere concern for the welfare of others, even putting them before self.  It is love that is guided by godly principles but is by no means devoid of warmth and feeling.

A beautiful description of love states: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked.  It does not keep account of the injury.  It does not  rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, . . . hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Such love "never fails" in that it will never cease to exist. Indeed, it can grow stronger over time.  And because it is patient, kind, and forgiving, it is  "a perfect bond of union."  (Colossians 3:14)  Hence, relationships bound by such love are both secure and happy despite the imperfections of the individuals.  For example, consider the marriage union.

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - UNITED BY "A PERFECT BOND OF UNION"

From the jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS -Physical Health and Resilience

Others, perhaps after initial feels of despair, bounce back.  They adapt.  The find ways to cope.  That was the case with Ulf.  He said that after much prayer and meditation on the Bible's positive message, he "started to see opportunities instead of obstacles."  Moreover, like many who undergo major trials, he learned valuable lessons in compassion and empathy, which moved him to share the Bible's comforting message with others.

Another person who suffered greatly was a man names Steve.  At age 15, he had an accident that paralyzed him from the neck down.  By the time he was 18, he had regained the use of his arms.  He then went to a university, where his life spiraled into drugs, alcohol, and sexual immorality.  He had no hope-until he began to study the Bible, which gave him a new outlook on life and helped him to conquer his bad habits.  "The emptiness that I had felt for so long was no longer there," he said.  "My life now is filled with peace, happiness, and contentment."

Steve and Ulf's comments call to mind the words at Psalm 19:7, 8. "The law of Jehovah is perfect, restoring strength. . . . The orders from Jehovah are righteous causing the heart to rejoice; the commandment of Jehovah is clean,, making the eyes shine." 

KEY POINTS

When applied, God's laws and principles 'restore strength, cause the heart to rejoice, and make the eyes shine.' -Psalm 19:7, 8.

The Bible encourages us to . . .

* Be moderate in habits

* Take good care of our body

* View life as sacred

* Control negative emotions 

* Focus on positive thoughts

* Build resilience

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - LOVE

From the jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS -Continue with Physical Health and Resilience

VIEW YOUR BODY AND YOUR LIFE AS  PRECIOUS GIFTS.

"By [God] we have life and move and exist." (Acts 17:28)  Appreciating that fact moves us to avoid taking needless risks, whether we are at work, driving, or choosing our recreation. A momentary thrill is not worth a life of disability!

CONTROL NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.  Your mind and body are closely linked.  So try to avoid undue anxiety, unbridled anger, envy, and other harmful emotions.  "Let go of anger and abandon rage," says Psalm 37:8.  We also read:  "Never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. -Matthew 6:34.

TRY TO FOCUS ON POSITIVE THOUGHTS.  "A calm heart gives life to the body says Proverbs 14:30.  The Bible also states:  "A joyful heart is good medicine." (Proverbs 17:22)  That is a scientifically sound statement.  "If you are happy," said a doctor in Scotland, "you are likely in the future to have less in the way of physical illness than those who are unhappy." 

BUILD RESILIENCE.  Like Ulf, mentioned earlier, we may have no choice but  to endure a persistent trial.  Still, we can choose how we endure.  Some become overwhelmed with discouragement, which may only make matters worse.  "If you become discouraged in the day of distress, your strength will be meager,"says Proverbs 24:10.

Next time:  THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Conclusion of Physical Health and Resilience

From the jw.org publications

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Physical Health and Resilience

CHRONIC ILL HEALTH OR DISABILITY CAN HAVE A MAJOR IMPACT ON A PERSON'S LIFE.  After becoming physically paralyzed, a once active and healthy man named Ulf said:  "I became deeply depressed.  My strength, courage, and power drained away . . . I felt deeply 'destroyed.'"

Ulf's experience reminds us that none of us have complete control over our health.  Still, we can take reasonable measures to reduce the risk of ill health.  But what if our health deteriorates?  Does that doom us to unhappiness?  Not at all, as we shall see.  First, though, let us considerate some principles that promote good health. 

BE "MODERATE IN HABITS."  (1 Timothy 3:2, 11) Habitually eating or drinking to excess is obviously bad for our health-not to mention our finances! "Do not be among those who drink too much wine, among those who gorge themselves on meat, for a drunkard and a glutton come to poverty." - Proverbs 23:20, 21. 

DO NOT POLLUTE YOUR BODY.  "let us cleanse ourselves of every defilement of flesh and spirit."  (Meaning alcohol) (2 Corinthians 7:1) People defile their bodies when they chew or smoke tobacco or abuse drugs.  Smoking, for example, "leads to disease and disability and harms nearly every organ of the body," says the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Continue with Physical Health and Resilience

From the jw.org publications

THE WAY OF LIFE -Conclusion of QUALITIES THAT PROMOTE HAPPINESS

Her economic status remained much the same.  But her outlook on life improved dramatically!  For example, she gained the happiness that comes from satisfying one's spiritual need.  (Matthew 5:3) She found true friends among fellow believers.  And she experienced the happiness of giving by sharing with others the good news she had learned.

"Wisdom is vindicated by its results,"  the Bible says.  (Matthew 11:19)  On that basis,  contentment and generosity as well as putting people before things stand thoroughly vindicated!  

Note: This isn't everyone, if you are a certain kind of person with a kind personality, you can be kind, generous, helpful  and content  without a religious group. It may be because one or both of your parents are of the same personality, kind, generous, helpful etc. 

KEY POINTS

"The love of money is the root of all evil, and by reaching out for this love some have . . . stabbed themselves all over with  many pains." -1 Timothy 6:10. 

"The love of money" can lead to . . .

* Worry and loss of sleep

* Disappointment

* Grief and frustration

Happiness comes to those who . . .

* Are content with what they have

* Are generous

* Put people before things 

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS -Physical Health and Resilience

From the jw.org publications

THE WAY OF LIFE - QUALITIES THAT PROMOTE HAPPINESS

CONTENTMENT. "We have brought nothing into the world, and neither can we carry anything out.  So, having food and clothing, we will be content with these things."  (1 Timothy 6:7, 8)  People who are content are not disposed to complain or grumble, and their attitude protects them against envy.  And because their desires do not exceed their means, they spare themselves needless anxiety and stress. 

GENEROSITY. "There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.  (Acts 20:35) Generous people are happy because they enjoy making others happy, even if all they can give is a little of their time and energy.  They often gain in abundance what no amount of money can buy-love, respect, and genuine friends, who give generously in return! - Luke 6:38. 

PUTTING PEOPLE BEFORE THING. "Better is a dish of vegetables  where there is love than a fattened bull where there is hatred."  (Proverbs 15:17)  The point? Loving relationships with others are more valuable than material riches.  And love, as we shall see later, is vital to happiness.

Sabina, a woman is South America, learned the value of Bible principles.  Abandoned by her husband, Sabina struggled to obtain life's necessities for herself and her two daughters.  She held two jobs and daily rose at 4:00 a.m.  Despite her grueling schedule, Sabina decided to study the Bible.  The result? 

Next time: THE WAY OF LIFE - Conclusion of QUALITIES THAT PROMOTE HAPPINESS

From the jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS -Contentment and Generosity

HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU HEARD HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS MEASURED IN TERMS OF ASSETS OR WEALTH?  Driving by that view,  millions work long, exhausting hours to make more money.  But do money and possessions bring lasting happiness?  What does the evidence suggest? 

According to the Journal of Happiness Studies, once our basic needs are met more income does little to improve our overall happiness or our sense of well-being.  Money itself is not the issue.  It's "the striving for [money] that's linked to unhappiness,"  states an article in the magazine Monitor on Psychology.  Those words mirror this advice given in the Bible almost two thousand years ago:  "The love of money is the root of all evil, and by reaching out for this love some have . . . stabbed themselves all over with many pains."  (1 Timothy 6:9, 10) What may those  pains have include?

WORRY AND LOSS OF SLEEP BECAUSE WEALTHY HAS TO BE PROTECTED.

"Sweet is the sleep of the one serving, whether he eats little or much, but the plenty belonging to the rich  one does not permit him to sleep." -Ecclesiastes 5:12.

DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN THE PROMISED HAPPINESS FAILS TO ARRIVE.

 In part, that letdown is because a craving for money cannot be satisfied.  "A love of silver will never be satisfied with silver, nor a love of wealth with income."  (Ecclesiastes 5:10)  Also, a hunger for wealth may move a person  to sacrifice important things that do promote happiness, such as precious time spent with family and friends or in spiritual pursuits.

GRIEF AND FRUSTRATION WHEN MONEY OR INVESTMENTS DEPRECIATE OR FAIL.

"Do not wear yourself out to gain wealth.  Stop and show understanding.  When you cast your eyes on it, it is not there, for it will surely sprout wings like and eagle and fly off." - Proverbs 23:4, 5. 

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS  - QUALITIES THAT PROMOTE HAPPINESS

From the jw.org publications  

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS -Conclusion of Finding the Way

Further, as an ongoing state of well-being,  happiness has been described not as a destination or goal, but as a journey.  To say, "I'll be happy when . . . is, in effect, postponing happiness.

To illustrate, compare happiness with good healthy.  How do we enjoy that state of physical well-being?  We follow  a wise path in regard to diet, exercise, and overall lifestyle.  Likewise, happiness results from following a good path in life, living in harmony with sound principles. 

What principles  or qualities of life characterized the way of happiness?  While some are more important than others, the following play a role: 

CONTENTMENT AND GENEROSITY

PHYSICAL AND HEALTH RESILIENCE

LOVE 

FORGIVENESS

PURPOSE IN LIFE

HOPE

 A highly respected look of wisdom states:  "Happy are those who are blameless in their way." (Psalm 119:1)  Let us now consider that way. 

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Contentment and Generosity 

From the jw.org publications 

THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Finding the Way

DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A HAPPY PERSON?  If so, what makes you happy?  Your family, your work, your religious faith?  Perhaps you are looking forward to something that may make you happy, such as finishing your schooling, getting a job, or buying a new car.

Many people experience a measure of happiness when they reach a certain goal or obtain a desired item.  But how long does that surge of happiness last?  Often it is only temporary, which can be disappointing.

Happiness has been described as a state of well-being that is characterized by relative performance, by emotions ranging from mere contentment to deep and intense joy in living, and by a natural desire for it to continue. 

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS - Conclusion with Finding the Way

From the jw.org publications

12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 12. Goals

WHY IT MATTERS

Happiness: When you set and reach goals, you feel a sense of accomplishment.  "I love having goal. They keep me occupied and give me something to keep reaching for. And when you reach a goal, it feels great to look back and say, 'Wow, I really did it! I accomplished what I set out to do.'" -Christopher.

 BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "If you wait until the wind and the weather are just right, you will never plant anything and never harvest anything." -Ecclesiastes 11:4, Today's English Version.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Take these to set and reach your goals.

Identify.  Make a list of potential goals, and prioritize them-choosing the ones you want to work on first, second, and third, and so forth.

Plan.  For each goal, do the following:

* Set a realistic deadline.

* Plan the steps involved.

 Anticipate obstacles,, and think of how to overcome them.

Act.  Do not wait until you have every detail worked out to get started.  Ask yourself, 'What is the very first thing I can do towards reaching my goal?  Then do it.  Track your progress as you complete each step.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "The plans of the diligent surely lead to success. -Proverbs 21:5. 

Next time: THE WAY OF HAPPINESS -Finding the Way

From the jw.org publication

12 Secrets for Successful Families - 12. Goals

WHAT IT MEANS

A goal is more than just a dream-something you wish would happen.  Real goals involve planning, flexibility, and good old-fashioned hard work.

Goals can be short-range (taking days or weeks to accomplish), medium-range (months), and long-range (a year or more). Long-range goals can be reached through a series of intermediate goals. 

WHY IT MATTERS

Reaching goals can boost your confidence, strengthen your friendships,, and increase your happiness.

Self-confidence:  When you set small goals and reach them, you gain the confidence to take on bigger ones.  You also feel more confident when facing day-to-day challenges-such has standing up to peer pressure.

Friendships:  People enjoy being around those who are reasonably goal-oriented-that is, those who know what they want and are willing to work for it.  Moreover, one of the best ways to strengthen a friendship is to work with another person toward  a common goal.

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 12. Goals

From the jw.org publications 

12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 11. Industriousness

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Cultivate a positive view of work by following the steps outlined here.

Take pride in learning to do his will. Whether you are doing chores, finishing your home work, or engaging in secular work, immerse yourself in what you are doing. Once you can perform a task well, look for ways to improve-doing it faster or better.  The more skilled you are, the more you will enjoy your work.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Have you seen a man skilled at his work?  He will stand before kings; he will not stand before common men." -Proverbs 22:29 

See the bigger picture.  In almost every case, when you care for your responsibilities well, you can benefit others.   For example, when you are industrious about your chores, you lighten the load for others in your family.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving." -Acts 20:35.  

Go the extra mile.  Instead of doing just the same  bare minimum, try to do more than you are required to do.  In this way, you are in control of your life-doing more, not because you are being forced to, but because you chose to. -Matthew 5:41. 

Be balanced.  Industrious people are not lazy, nor are they workaholics.  They aim  for balance, finding employment both in hard work and in periods of rest. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Better is a handful of rest than two handfuls of hard work and chasing after the wind." -Ecclesiastes 4:6. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - 12.  Goals

From the jw.org publications 

12 Secrets for Successful Families - 11.Industriousness

WHAT IT MEANS 

Industrious people do not shy away from work. Rather, they enjoy working hard to provide for their personal needs and to help others-even if the work they do is not glamorous.

WHY IT MATTERS

Like it or not, life is full of responsibilities.  In a world where many dislike the idea of working hard, being industrious puts you at an advantage.- Ecclesiastes 3:13. "I've learned that when you work hard, you get a sense of pride and inner satisfaction.  That feeling of inner satisfaction has actually caused me to learn to like work.  Having a strong work ethic will help you to build  a good reputation too." - Reyon.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "There is benefit in every kind of hard work." -Proverbs 14:23.

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 11. Industriousness

From the jw.org publication 

12 Secrets for Successful Families -Conclusion of 10.

WHAT IT MEANS

Whether you want to earn more trust or regain lost trust, the following steps can help.

Be honest. Nothing will shatter other's trust in you quicker than lies.   Conversely, when you are open and honest-especially about your mistakes-you can earn the trust of others. 

'Its easy to be honest when things are going well.  But being honest about things that than cast you in  a bad light goes a long way in building trust." -Caiman.  

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "We wish to conduct ourselves honesty in all things.- Hebrews 13:18. 

Be dependable.  In one U.S. survey, 78 percent of human -resource professionals indicated that reliability was "one of the three most important skills for entry level positions."  Learning to be dependable now will benefit you as an adult. 

"My parents notice when I'm responsible and do my chores without them having to nag me.  The more I show initiative like that, the more they reward it with their trust." -Sarah.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "I am confident that you will comply, .  .  . knowing that you will do even more than I say." -Philemon 21.

Be patient. Unlike physical growth, which is readily apparent to others, time is often needed for others to recognize emotional growth and mental growth/

"There's no single act that can earn the trust of your parents and others.  But you can build  it gradually if you're consistently responsible over time. -Brandon.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Clothe yourself with patience." -Colossians 3:12. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - 11. Industriousness

From the jw.org publications

12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 10. Trustworthiness

YOUNG PEOPLE


WHAT IT MEANS 

Trustworthy people earn the confidence of their parents, friends, and employers. They abide by the rules, keep their promises, and always tell the truth.

WHY IT MATTERS

In almost every case, the amount of freedom you receive is directly related to the level of trust you have earned over time.

"The best way to earn your parents' trust is to demonstrate that you are mature and responsible, not only when you are with them but also when they are not around." - Sarahi.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "Keep proving what you yourselves are." -2 Corinthians 13:5. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families -Conclusion of   10. Trustworthiness

From the jw.org publications

12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 9. Identity

YOUNG PEOPLE 


WHAT YOU CAN DO 

Develop a sense of who you are now and who you want to become by analyzing your strengths, your weaknesses, and your convictions.  A good way to start is to answer the following questions. 

Strengths: What talents and skills do  I have? What are my strong points? (For example: Am I punctual? self-controlled?  hardworking, generous?)  What positive things do I do?

TIP: Are you having trouble identifying positive things abut yourself?  Ask a parent or a trusted friend what strengths he or she sees in you and why. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Let each one examine his own actions, and then he will have cause for rejoicing in regard to himself alone, and not in comparison with the other person." -Galatians 6:4. 

Weaknesses:  What aspects of my personality need the most work?  When am I especially susceptible to temptation?  In what areas could I exercise greater self-control?

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "If we make the statement, 'We have no son,' we are misleading ourselves." -1 John 1:8.

Convictions: What moral code do I follow and why? Do I believe in God?  What evidence has convinced me of his existence?  What actions do I consider to be unjust, and why? What convictions do I hold about the future?

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Thinking ability will keep watch over you, and discernment will safeguard you." -Proverbs 2:11. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - 10. Trustworthiness

From the jw.org publications 

12 Secrets for Successful Families - 9.Identity

YOUNG PEOPLE

WHAT IT MEANS

Your identity goes far beyond  your name and appearance.   It involves your values, beliefs, and character.  Really, your identity is everything that makes you, you-both inside and out.

WHY IT MATTERS 

When you have a strong sense of identity, you stand up for your beliefs instead of allowing your peers to control you.

"A lot of  people are like mannequins you see in a store display.  They don't choose the clothes they wear, others do."- Adrian. 

"I've learned how to stand up for what is right even when its' hard.  I can tell who my real friends are by how they act and how I act around them." -Courtney. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Stop being molded by this system of things, but be transformed by making your mind over." -Romans 12:2. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 9. Identity

From the jw.org publications 

12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 8. Example

WHAT YOU CAN DO 

Examine your own standards.  What type of entertainment do you watch?  How do you treat your spouse and children?  What kind of friends do you have?  Are you thoughtful of other's? In short, are you the kind of person you want your children to become? 

"My husband and I don't hole our children to a standard that we ourselves don't live by." -Christine.

Apologize for your mistakes.  Your children already know that you are not perfect. By saying "I'm sorry" when appropriate-both your spouse and to your children-you will provide a valuable lesson in honesty and humility.

"Our children need to hear us admit when we are wrong, and they need to hear us apologize for our error. If we don't, they will only learn to cover over their mistakes." -Robin.

"As parents, we have the greatest influence on our children, and our example is the greatest tool we have because they see it all the time.  It's the book that's always open, the lesson that's always being taught." -Wendell.

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - 9. Identity

From the jw.org publications 

12 Secrets for Successful Families - 8. Example

WHAT IT MEANS 

Parents who set example live by what they teach.  For instance, you could hardly expect your son to be truthful if he overheard you say, "Tell him I'm not home,"  when you do not want to speak to someone at the door.

"A common saying is 'Do as I say, not as I do.'  But that approach doesn't work with children. They are like sponges that absorb everything we say and do, and they will tell us when our example isn't consistent with what we try to teach them. -David.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "You, the one preaching, 'do not steal,' do you steal?" -Romans 2:21.

WHY IT MATTERS

Children and even teenagers are influenced more by their parents than by anyone else-including their peers.  That means you are in the primary position to guide your children in the right way-provided, of course, that you practice what you preach.

"We can repeat something a hundred times and wonder if our child is listening, but the one time we don't do as we say, the child will point it out.  Children pay attention to everything we do, even if they don't think they do." -Nichole.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "The wisdom from above is . . . not hypocritical." -James 3:17.  

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 8. Example

From the jw.org publications  

12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 7. Values

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you,." -Luke 6:31.


WHAT YOU CAN DO

State your moral values.  For example, research shows that teenagers are more likely to abstain from premarital sex if they have been give the clear message that such conduct is wrong.

TIP: Use a current event to initiate a discussion about values. For example, if the  news reports a hate crime, you could say: "It's horrible the way some people show such anger toward others.  How do you think people become like that?"

"It's a lot harder for children to choose between right and wrong if they don't know what is right or wrong." -Brandon.

Teach ethical values.  Even younger children can learn to say "please" and "thank you" and show regard for others. "The more children see that they are part of something larger than themselves-a family, a school, a community-the more readily they performs acts of kindness that benefit everyone, not just themselves," says the book Parenting Without Borders.

TIP: Assign chores to your children to help them learn the value of serving others.

"If our children get used to doing chores now, they won't be shocked when they live on their own.  Taking care of our responsibilities will already be a part of their life." -Tara.

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - 8. Example

From the jw.org publication

12 Secrets for Successful Families

7. Values

Values are the personal standards by which you choose to live.  For example, do you strive to be honest in all things?  Then, likely you want to instill that moral value in your children.

Values also include ethical standards.  For example, a person with solid ethics is industrious, fair, and considerate of others-traits that are best developed while a person is still young. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Train a child in the way he should go; even when he grows old he will not depart from it." -Proverbs 22:6.

WHY IT MATTERS

In the age of technology, moral values are essential.  "Bad influences can be accessed on any mobile device at any time," says a mother named Karyn.  "Our children could be sitting right nest to us while they're watching something indecent!"

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Mature people . . .have their powers of discernment trained to be distinguish both right and wrong." -Hebrews 5:14.

Ethical values are essential too.  That includes extending simple courtesies (such as saying "please" and "thank you") and showing concern for others-a value that has become rare, as people seem more interested in devices than they are in people. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 7. Values

From the jw.org publication

12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 6. Discipline

BIBLE PRINCIPLE:  "Whatever a person is sowing, so shall he reap." -Galatians  6:7.

Be reasonable.  Balance the child's age and competence level  with the weight of the infraction.  Consequences of usually effective when they are related to  the wrong-for example, misuse of the phone might result in the loss of phone privileges for a period of time.  At the same time, avoid making  major issues over minor irritations.

"I try to determine if my child has been deliberately disobedient or if he just made an error in judgment.  There is a difference between a serious trait that needs to be weeded out and a mistake that just needs to be pointed out. -Wendell. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Do not be provoking your children, so that they do not become discouraged." -Colossians 3:21. 

Be loving.  Disciple is much easier for children  to accept and apply when they know that a parent's primary motive is love.

"When our son made mistakes, we reassured him that we are proud of all the good decisions he had made in the past.  We explained that the mistake wouldn't define him as long as he made the needed correction and that we were there to help him do that." -Daniel. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Love is patient and kind." -1 Corinthians 13:4. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - 7: Values

From the jw.org publications 

12 Secrets for Successful Families-6.Discipline

WHAT IT MEANS 

The word discipline can mean to guide or to teach.  At times, that includes correcting a child's misbehavior.  Often, though, it involves imparting moral training that helps a child learn to make good choices in the first place.

WHY IT MATTERS

In recent decades, discipline has all but disappeared from some  households, as parents fear that correction might lower a child's self-esteem.   However, wise parents set reasonable rules and train their children to abide by them.

"Children need boundaries to help them grow into well-rounded adults.Without disciple, children are like a rudderless ship-which will eventually go off course or even capsize." -Pamela.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Be consistent.  If your child does not adhere to your rules, enforce consequences.  On the other hand, readily command your child when he or shie complies.

"I frequently commend my children for being obedient in a world where obedience is so rare.  Commendation makes it easier for them to accept correction when it is needed." -Christine. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 6. Discipline

From the jw.org publications 

12 Secrets for Successful Families - Conclusion of 5. Communications

Fight distraction.  One father admits:  "I sometimes find myself mentally multitasking when my children are speaking.  And I am not fooling them-they can tell!" 

If you can relate to that statement, turn off the TV and put down all devices.  Focus on what your child is saying, and treat his or her concern as worthy of your full attention, no matter how trivial it may seem/

"We need to assure our children that their feelings are important to us.  If they think otherwise, they will keep their concerns locked inside or turn elsewhere for help." - Miranda.

"Don't overreact, even if your child's thinking is way off center." -Anthony.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Pay attention to how you listen." - Luke 8:18.

Take advantage of informal settings.  Sometimes children op;en up when they are not sitting face-to-face with a parent.

"We take advantage of care rides. Being side-to-side rather than across from each others has led to good discussions." -Nichole.

Mealtime presents opportunity for informal conversation. 

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Be quick to listen [and] slow to speak." -James 1:19. 

Next time: 12 Secrets for Successful Families - 6. Discipline 

From the jw.org publications

12 Secrets for Successful Families - 5. Communication

WHAT IT MEANS

Genuine communication takes place when you and your children share a two-way exchange of thoughts and feelings.

WHY IT MATTERS

Communication can become especially challenging with teenagers.  Perhaps not long ago, "it was like you had a backstage pass to your children's lives" says the book Breaking the Code.  "Now the best you can hope for is a seat out in the audience, and it probably won't even be a very good seat."  Contrary to appearances, when this happens children need communication the most!

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Adapt to your children's timetable.   Do so even if that means late-night conversations.

"You might feel like saying, 'Now you want to talk?  I was with you all day!' but how can we complain if our children want to open up to us?  Isn't that what every parent hopes for?" -Lisa.

"I like my sleep, but some of the best conversations I've had with my teenagers have been after midnight." -Herbert.

BIBLE PRINCIPLE: "Let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other." -1 Corinthians 10:24. 

Next time: 12 Secretes for Successful Families -Conclusion of 5. Communication

From the jw.org publications