Breaking Free From BULLYING

Help for the Victims

Victims of bullying, particularly the young, face a difficult challenge-that of maintaining balance under pressure.  When someone bullies you, he is probably eager  to throw you off balance emotionally. He is hoping that you will resort to extremes of anger or show terror.  If you fly into a fit of rage or burst into tears and express hurt or fear, the bully is getting what he wants.  So he may try to provoke the same reaction again and again. 

What can you do? Consider the following suggestions.  They are written primarily with the young in mind, but the principles may also apply to adults dealing with bullies.

* Keep cool. Don't give in to rage.  The Bible wisely advises:  "Let your anger alone and leave rage." (Psalm 37:8)  When your temper is out of control, you give the bully power over you, and you are likely to do things you will only regret. -Proverbs 5:28. 

* Try to put thoughts of revenge out of your mind. Vengeance is not really satisfying. One girl, who was beaten up by five youths when she was 16 years old, recalls:  "I decided in my heart, 'I will get even with them.'  So I got some help from my friends and took revenge on two of my attackers."  The result? "I was left with an empty feeling," she says. And her own conduct worsened afterward. Remember the Bible's words: "Return evil for evil to no one." -Romans 12:17. 

* When things appear to be getting heated, get away quickly.   The Bible says: "Before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave. (Proverbs 17:14) In general, try to steer clear of those who tend to bully.  Says Proverbs 22:3: "Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty."

* If bullying persists, you may need to speak up for yourself. Choose a moment when you are calm, look the bully in the eye, and speak in a firm, level voice. Tell him that you don't like what he is doing-that is not funny and that it hurts.  Do not resort to insults or challenges. -Proverbs 15:1. 

* Talk to a responsible, caring adult about the bullying. Be specific  about the problem, and ask for help in handling it. Do the same in your prayers to God, and this can be a wonderful source of help and comfort. -1 Thessalonians 5:17. 

* Remember that you have value as a person.  The bully might want you to think that you don't matter, that you deserve to be treated badly. But he is not your judge.  God is, and he looks for the good in each of us. It is the bully who becomes less worthwhile by resorting to such conduct. 

Next time: Breaking Free From BULLYING - Parents-Protect Your Children 

From the Awake! magazine, 2003