Breaking Free From BULLYING - Help for the Victims

Victims of bullying, particularly the young, face a difficult challenge-that of maintaining balance under pressure. When someone bullies you, he is probably eager to throw you off balance emotionally.  He is hoping that you will resort to extremes of anger or show terror.  If you fly into fits of rage or burst into tears and express hurt or fear, the bully is getting what he wants.  (control and power over you)  So he may try to provoke the same reaction again and again. 

What can you do? Consider the following suggestions.  They are written  primarily with the young in mind, but the principles may also apply to adults dealing with bullies.

* Keep cool. Don't give in to rage.   The Bible wisely advises:  "Let anger alone and leave rage." (Psalm 37:8)  When your temper is out of control, you give the bully power over you, and you are likely to do things you will only regret. -Proverbs 25:28. 

* Try to put thoughts of revenge out of your mind.  Vengeance often backfires. At any rate, revenge is not really satisfying. One girl, who was beaten up by five youths when she was 16 years old, recalls:  "I decided in my heart,  'I will get even with them.'  So I got some help from my friends and took revenge on two of my attackers." The result?  "I was left with an empty feeling," she says.   And her own conduct worsened afterward.  Remember the Bible's  wise words: "Return evil  for evil to no one." -Romans 12:17. 

* When things appear to be getting heated, get away quickly.  The Bible says:  "Before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave."  (Proverbs 17:14)  In general, try to steer clear of those who tend to bully. Says Proverbs 22:3:  "Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty."

* If bulling persists, you may need to speak up for yourself.   Choose a moment when you are calm, look the bully in the eye, and speak in a firm, level voice.  Tell him that you don't like what he is doing-that it is not funny and that it hurts.  Do not resort to insults or challenges. -Proverbs 15:1. 

* Talk to a responsible, caring adult about the bullying.    Be specific about the problem, and ask for help in handling it. Do the same in your prayers to God, and this can be a wonderful  source of help and comfort. -1 Thessalonians 5:17. 

* Remember that you have value as a person.  The bully might want you to think that you don't matter, that you deserve to be treated badly.  But he is not your judge. God is, and he looks for the good in each of us. It is the bully who becomes less worthwhile by resorting to such conduct.  

Note: There are bullies who don't care how firm you talk to them, they have little or no conscience.  Also, if you are married to them, they will say and do anything to erode your self-esteem and self-confidence in order to control you and brainwash you in order to get you to do what he or she wants.   Yes, I did say brainwash.  If are married to them, that is what a lot of them will do, and  are not just bullies, but spousal abusers, they are basically all the same, in my opinion. There is a sickness inside them, especially if they have either been victims or have seen it done to loved ones. And If one of their family  who is a spousal abuser was, to put it mildly, a little crazy, that abuser will inherit that insanity, Seen it experienced it.  And yes, I was married to it. I also thought about revenge, but only for a moment. I decided that he just wasn't worth the trouble at all, and that he would eventually be taken care of by God.  "Revenge is mine" saith Jehovah God. (Deuteronomy 32:35; Jeremiah 51:2; Isaiah 62:2) Believe me, Jehovah can do a lot worse to a person than any human could dream of.  Seriously, readers, they just aren't worth the revenge. Why ruin your life, over that? 

Next time: Breaking Free From BULLYING -Parents-Protect Your Children

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