HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE/When the Children Are Gone

THE CHALLENGE 

Couples often face their greatest challenges after their children have grown up and left home.  The empty nest can have them feeling like virtual strangers.   "I counsel many people who don't know how to reconnect  to their spouses," writes family expert M. Gary Neuman.  "Now that the children are gone, [the parents] have very little to talk about or to share. 

Does that to some degree describe your marriage?  If so, you can get back on track. First, though, consider some factors that might be to blame for the distance that has developed between you and your spouse.

WHY IT HAPPENS 

For years, the children came first.  With good intentions, many parents put their children's needs above the needs of their marriage. As a result, they become so accustomed to the roles of mom and dad that they lose their connection as husband and wife-a fact that becomes readily apparent once the children are gone.  "When the kids were there, at least we did some things together," says a 59-year-old wife.  But after the children left home, she admits,  "we were on separate tracks ."  At one point sh even said to her husband, "We are in each other's way."  

Some couples are unprepared to adapt to this new phase of life.   "For many couples, it is almost as though they are in a new marriage," says the book Empty Nesting. Feeling that they have little in common, many husbands and wives retreat into their own separate pursuits, becoming more like roommates than marriage mates. 

The good news is, you can avoid the pitfalls - and even enjoy the benefits -of this new chapter in your life.  The Bible can help in that effort.  Let us see how. 

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE - When the Children Are Gone -WHAT YOU CAN DO

From the jw.org publications