How to Keep Peace With Your Relatives

"Clothe yourselves with . . . kindness, humility, mildness, and patience." -COLOSSIANS 3:12.


Marriage creates a new family. Though you will always love and respect your parents, your mate is now the most important person on earth for you. This may be difficult for some of your relatives to accept.  But Bible principles can help you to find a balance, so that you can keep peace with your relatives as you work hard to build your new family relationship.

1 MAINTAIN A PROPER VIEW OF YOUR RELATIVES

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS:  "Honor your father and your mother." (Ephesians 6:2)  (This does not mean that you declare a holiday for them, it means to make sure they have a roof over their head, food, etc., not a holiday) Regardless of how old you are, you always need to honor and respect your parents. Recognize that your mate too, as a son or daughter, needs to give attention to his or her parents.  "Love is not jealous," so never feel threatened by he relationship your mate has with them.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:  

Avoid making broad statements, such as "Your family always puts me down"  or "Your mother never likes what I do" 

Try to see things from your mate's perspective 

2 BE FIRM WHEN NECESSARY

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS:  " A man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh."  (Genesis 2:24)  When you marry, your parents may feel that they are still responsible for you, and they may want to be more involved in your marriage than they should be.

It is up to you and your mate to agree on what boundaries you will set for them and then lovingly let them know.  You can be open and direct without being rude.  (Proverbs 15:1)  Humility, mildness, and patience will help you build a warm relationship with your relatives and continue "putting up with one another in love." -Ephesians 4:2.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

If you are concerned about how much the relatives are involved in your life, discuss it with your mate when things are calm.

Come to a mutual agreement on how you will take care of these matters.

TRY TO UNDERSTAND

It is important to understand your parents' feelings and their point of view. They do not mean any harm with their involvement.  They genuinely care about you. It can be difficult for your parents to view you and your mate as an independent family.  They may even  feel abandoned. But by the following Bible principle and by having open communication, you will still be able to honor your parents without compromising your marriage.

Next time: How Babies Change a Marriage

From the jw.org publications