HELP FOR THE FAMILY/YOUNG PEOPLE - When a Parent Dies

THE CHALLENGE

Dami was six years old when an aneurysm claimed the life of her dad. Derrick was nine when his father died of heart disease. Jeannie was seven when her mom passed away after a year-long battle with ovarian cancer.

All too soon, these three young people were confronted with the  death of a loved one. Have you had a similar experience?  If so, this article can help you come to terms with your loss. First, though, consider a few facts about grieving.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

There are many ways to grieve.  This means that the way you express your sorrow might differ from the way others do so.  "Coping with a death does follow a simple pattern or set of rules," says the book Helping Teens to Cope with Death.  The important thing is that you do not unduly suppress your grief. Why?  Because . . .

Suppressing grief can be harmful.  Jeannie, mentioned at the outset, says:  "I thought I had to be strong for my little sister, so I buried my emotions. Even today, I tend to suppress feeling, and that's not healthy."

Experts would agree.  "Feelings denied or bottled up won't stay bottled up forever," says the book The Grieving Teen.  "They will return when you least expect [them to] in the form of emotional flare-ups or physical ailments. "Suppressed grief can also lead to the abuse of alcohol or drugs, all done in an effort to numb the pain.  

Grieving may be accompanied by confusing emotions.  For example, some people feel anger at the person who died, feeling that the person "abandoned" them. Others blame God, thinking that he should have prevented the death. Many who grieve feel guilt for things they did or said to the person, since there is now no way to  make amends.

Clearly, grieving can be a complex process. How can you get relief and be helped to move forward?  

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/YOUNG PEOPLE - When a Parent Dies/WHAT YOU CAN DO

From the jw.org publications