Clarify Matters in a Spirit of Love

To compare these accounts is instructive. Obviously, clarifying the issue is the wise thing to do. In the episode last discussed, who knows how many lives were spared simply because the two sides talked?  In most cases, lives will not be at stake if you fail to grasp someone else's real intentions, but friendships might be. So if you feel that someone has acted improperly toward you, are you sure that you understand things the way they really are, or are you misinterpreting them?  What were the other person's motives? Ask him. Do you feel misunderstood? Talk about it. Do not allow pride to get in the way.

Jesus offered excellent incentive to resolving misunderstandings:  "If, then, you are bringing your gift there in  front of the altar, and you there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, and go away; first make your peace with your brother, and then, when you have come back, offer your gift." (Matthew 5:23, 24)  So the proper thing to do is to approach the person in private, without involving others. It is not going to help if the offending party  hears you complaint from somebody else first. (Proverbs 17:9) You goal should be  to make peace in a spirit of love. Calmly define the problem in clear, simply nonaccusatory words. Explain how the situation makes you feel. then listen objectively to the other point of view. Do not be hasty about imputing motives. Be willing to grant the other person the benefit of the doubt. Remember, love "believes all things." -1 Corinthians 13:7.

Of course, even when misunderstandings are cleared up, there may still be hurt feelings or enduring negative  consequences. What can be done?  Where necessary, sincere apologies are certainly in order, along with any other action that can reasonably be taken  toward setting matters straight. In all such situations, the injured party would do well to follow the inspired counsel:  "Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against  another.  Even as Jehovah freely forgave you, so do you also.  But, besides all these things, clothes yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union." -Colossians 3:13, 14; 1 Peter 4:8.

As long as we are imperfect, there will be misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Anyone can make a mistake or speak in a way that sounds insensitive or unkind.  The Bible points out:  "We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, this one is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body." (James 3:2)  Since Jehovah God is well aware of this, he has provided us with these instructions:"Do not hurry yourself in your spirit to become offended, for the taking of offense is what rests in the bosom of the stupid ones. Also, so not give  your heart to all the words that people may speak, that you may not hear your servant calling down evil upon you. For your own heart well knows even many times that you, even you, have called down evil upon others." -Ecclesiastes 7:9, 21, 22.

Next time: "Jehovah Is Making an Estimate of Hearts"

From the Watchtower magazine, 2001