RAISING ADOLESCENTS The Role of Wisdom

Good Communication Is Vital

The Bible tells Christians to be "swift about hearing"  and "slow about speaking" (James 1:19) While this is good advice when one is dealing with children of any age, hearing-or listening-is particularly important with adolescents. And it may require great effort.   "I had to expand my communication skills when my sons became teenagers," says Peter, a father in Britain.  "When the boys were young, my wife and I told them what to do, and they listened.  But now that they are older, we have to reason with them, talk things  through, and let them use their own thinking abilities to resolve matters. In short, we have to reach the heart." -2 Timothy 3:14. 

Listening is especially vital when there is a conflict.  (Proverbs 17:27) Danielle, in Britain, found this to be true in her case. She relates: "I had an issue with one of  my daughters over the way she talked back when I asked her to do anything.  But she told me that I was always shouting at her and ordering her around.  We resolved this conflict by sitting down and really listening to each other. She described the way I spoke to her and how it made her feel, and I described my impressions and feelings to her." 

Danielle found that being "swift about hearing" helped her to discern a deeper issue.  "Now I try to be patient with my daughter," she says, "and I try to speak to her only when I'm not angry."  She added,  "Our relationship is improving."

Proverbs 18:13 states:  "When anyone is replying to a matter before he hears it, that is foolishness on his part and humiliation."  Greg, a father in Australia, found that to be true.  "Conflicts  with our children sometimes arise when instead of listening first and acknowledging our children's feelings, my wife and I are quick to lecture," he says.  "Even if we disagree totally with their attitudes, we have found it very important to allow them  to express their feelings before we provide any needed correction or advice." 

Next time: RAISING ADOLESCENTS The Role of Wisdom/How Much Freedom?

From the Awake! magazine