RAISING ADOLESCENTS The Role of Wisdom

How Much Freedom?

Perhaps the most frequent cause of conflict between parents and adolescents has to do with the issue of independence. How much freedom should be given to a teenager?  "Sometimes I feel that if I give my daughter an inch, she wants a mile," says one dad. 

Obviously, granting youths unrestricted freedom will reap bad results. Indeed, the Bible warns that "a boy let on the loose will be causing his mother shame." (Proverbs 29:15)  Youths of any age need firm guidelines, and parents should be loving but consistent in their enforcement of family rules.  (Ephesians 6:4) At the same time, youths need to be accorded a degree of independence so that they will be prepared to make wise decisions later in life.

Think, for example, of how you learned to walk. At first, as an infant, you had to be carried. In time, you began to crawl and then to walk. Of course, becoming mobile can be dangerous for a small child. Thus, your parents kept a close watch on you and may even have put up barriers to restrict you from hazardous areas, such as stairways. Still, they allowed you to move about on your own so that in time-after a number of inevitable falls-you would learn to walk with ease. 

Attaining independence involves a  similar process. At first, parents, in effect, carry their small children.  They do this by making decisions for them. Later, as their children demonstrate  a degree of maturity, parents allow them to crawl so to speak.  They permit them to make certain choices for themselves. Al the while, the barriers are kept in place, and these protect youths from harm. As their children mature, parents allow them to "walk" on their own. Then, when they become adults, they will be fully able to 'carry their own load.' -Galatians 6:5. 

"Reaffirming Your Authority"

The fact that your teenager may be upset by your restrictions does not mean  that you should relinquish your authority. Remember, adolescents are inexperience in life and they still need guidance. -Proverbs 22;15.

In his book New Parent Power! John Rosemond writes:  "It is easy for parents to  let themselves be intimidated by their children's emotional upheavals and begin allowing them more responsibility than they can handled in order to avoid confrontations. Exactly  the opposite is called for.  This is a time for reaffirming your authority rather than allowing your children to dismantle it. Although they will surely reject the notion, it's also time for children to know that hands other than their own are ready to take the wheel." 

Next time: RAISING ADOLESCENTS The Role of Wisdom / Learning From a Bible Example 

From the Awake! magazine