How to Help a Friend Who Is Ill-Be Helpful

Needs will vary as your friend moves from diagnosis to treatment. But all during his time, he may need help. Rather than a general offer-"if you need anything, call me"-try to be specific.  Offering to help with such daily activities as preparing meals, cleaning, washing, ironing, running errands, shopping,and driving your friend to and from the clinic or to the hospital for treatment are just a few of the practical ways to show that you care.  Be dependable and punctual. Keep your word, and meet your word and meet your commitments. -Matthew 5:37. 

"Whatever we do, great or small, that bridges the gap between the patient's worlds of illness and  health will be helpful," says author Rosanne Kalick. Silvia, a two-time cancer survivor, agrees.  "Having different friends drive me to another town daily for radiation was so relaxing and comforting!  On the way, we talked about various  subjects, and after the treatment, we always stopped at a coffee shop. This made me feel normal again."

But do not assume that you know exactly what your friend needs. "Ask, ask, ask," suggests Kalick.  She adds:  "In your desire to  help, don't take over.  That can be counter-productive. If you let me do nothing, the message maybe that I can do nothing. I need to feel competent. I need to feel that i am not a victim. Help me to do what I can."

Your friend likely needs to feel capable. Adilson, who has AIDS, says:  "Whey your are ill, you don't want to be cast aside, as if you were good-for-nothing or totally incapable.  You want to be of some help, even if it means doing minor tasks. It's so good to feel that you are still capable of doing something!  It gives you the incentive to go on living. I like for people to let me decide-and then respect my decisions. Being ill does not mean that we can't go on fulfilling our function as father, mother, or whatever."

Next time: How to Help a Friend Who Is Ill-Remain Connected

From the Watchtower magazine, 2010