Talking Things Out

Next, get together in person and discuss matters.  Such conversations can help you determine if your personalities are compatible. Interestingly, a study reported on in the journal Communication Research Reports revealed that roommates who are similar in their communication traits "reported the highest roommate satisfaction and liking." So if you are the open, sociable, expressive type, you may run into problems rooming with someone who is reserved, quiet, or inclined to be a loner. 

While you don't want to turn your discussion  into something akin to a police interrogation, it may be helpful to discuss the immediate goals and plans of a prospective roommate. Is he or she pursuing spiritual advancement  or perhaps simply interested in escaping a tense situation at home?  Lynn points to another problem that can arise:  "I had a roommate who was dating, and her boyfriend was there all the time, staying till late at night."  Lynn found their displays of affection to be inappropriate and disturbing.  Such problems can sometimes be avoided, though, if some ground rules are worked out in advance.  For example, says Renee:  "We had a rule that boys could not stay past  a certain time."  It would also  be good for both roommates to agree never to be alone in the room or apartment with one of the opposite sex. 

Also worthwhile to discuss may be such things as hobbies, preferences and tastes in music.  "I'd like to room with somebody who likes the same kind of things that I do, who has a similar  personality, who lies to do the same things," says Mark, of course, having different tastes doesn't  necessarily rule out rooming together.  The real issue is, How flexible are both of you?  Are you willing to tolerate differences and make adjustments to accommodate each other?  

Lee suggests:  "You should also ask what the other person expects out of the arrangement.  Some people expect you to be their best friend and best buddy. But that's not what I am interested in."  David likewise says:  "I like a roommate with whom I can do things but who doesn't  feel he always has to tag along whenever I want to do thing with other people."  Along similar lines , find out if the person is interested in being your partner in the evangelizing work or if he or she has something else in mind, such as serving in a foreign language congregation. 

Finally, make sure you don't ignore such issues as cooking (do either of you know how?), the sharing of household chores, the use of personal appliance, closet space, furniture, storage space, and pets. Talking such things out can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Says Proverbs 20:18:  "By counsel plans themselves are firmly established." 

Next time: "Decently and by Arrangement"

From the Awake! magazine, 2002