How to Help a Friend Who Is Ill

HAVE you ever been at a loss for words when talking to a fried who is seriously ill? Rest assured that you can meet this challenge. How?  There are no hard-and-fast rules. Cultural differences may be involved. People's personalities may also differ greatly.  Thus, what may make one sick person feel better may not be helpful to another. And circumstances and feelings might vary considerably from one day to the next. 

So the overriding need is for you to try to put yourself in the individual's place and find out what he or she really wants and needs from you. How can you go about doing this?  Here are a few suggestions that are based on Bible principles.  

Be a Good Listener

When visiting a friend who is ill, listen attentively and sympathetically. Do not rush to provide advice or feel that you always have to come up with a solution. In a hurry to express yourself, you might inadvertently blurt out something that could hurt. Your ill friend in not necessarily looking for answers but for someone who  will listen with an open heart and mind.

Let your friend express himself freely. Do not cut him short, trivializing his condition with cliches'.  "I had fungal meningitis and ended up losing my eyesight," says Emilio.  "Sometimes I feel really down, and friends try to support me by saying: 'You are not the only one with problems.  There are people who are worse off.'  However, little do they know that minimizing my condition is of no help to me. On the contrary, it has an adverse effect, making me despondent."

Allow your friend to pour out his heart without fear or criticism.  If he tells you  that he is afraid, acknowledge his feelings rather than simply telling him not to be fearful.  "When I am apprehensive about my condition and break down in tears, it does not mean that I don't trust in God anymore," says Eliana, who is battling cancer.  Make an effort to see your friend as he is, not as you  want him to be.  Take into account that he may be vulnerable now and is not his usual self. Be patient. Listen-even if it means hearing the same things over and over again.  (1Kings 19:9, 10, 13, 14) He may feel the need to share with you what he is experiencing. 

Next time: Be Empathetic and Considerate

From the Watchtower magazine, 2010