How to Help a Friend Who Is Ill -Be Empathetic and Considerate

Put yourself in your friend's shoes. If he is preparing for surgery, undergoing treatment, or waiting for test results, he may be tense and tend to be quite sensitive.  Try to recognize this and adapt to his mood swings.  This may  not be the time to ask too many questions, especially personal ones. 

Allow patients to talk about their illness when they want to and at their own pace says Ana Katalifos, a clinical psychologist.  "When they are willing to chat, talk with them on whatever subject they may choose.  But when they are not in the mood  for talking, you may just sit in silence, and a friendly hand to hold can do wonders. Or you may find that all they need is a shoulder to cry on."

Respect your friend's privacy. Author Rosanne Kalick, twice a cancer survivor , writes: "In taking your cues from the patient , assume that what is said to you is confidential. Unless you are asked to  be the family spokesperson, don't give out any information. Ask the patient what he is willing to share." Edison, a cancer survivor, says:  "A friend spread the word that I had cancer and that I would not live very long.  Mind you, I had just surgery. I knew that I had cancer, but I was waiting for the results of the biopsy.  There was no metastasis. But the harm was done. My wife was devastated  by the thoughtless comments and questions from others." 

If your friend is weighing treatment options, do not be quick to say what you would do in his or her situation. Writer Lori Hope, a cancer survivor, says:  "Before   sending articles or news of any kind to a cancer patient or survivor, its best to ask whether they would like to receive such news.  Otherwise, your well-meaning gesture could hurt your friend, and you might never know it."  Not everyone wants to be flooded with a huge amount of information about different kinds of medical treatments.

Even if you are a close friend, do not overstay your welcome. Your patience is very important, but your friend may  not feel up  to socializing with you. He may be tired and have little energy to talk or even to listen for very long. On the other hand, avoid giving the impression that you are in a hurry to leave.  Your friend deserves to see how much you care.

Showing consideration involves  using balance and good judgment.  For example,  before preparing a meal for a sick friend or even bringing him flowers, you might inquire about any allergies that the may have.  If you are sick, perhaps with a cold, the loving thing  would be to wait until you are well before you visit your friend.  

A friend who is ill likely wants to feel cared for, understood, and respected. So assure the individual  that he or she is very important to you and that you will be there to help. Rosemary, a brain-tumor patient, says:  "What really encouraged me was to hear my friends say that they loved me and that they would be there for me no matter what." - Proverbs 15:23; 25:11. 

Next time: How to Help a Friend Who Is Ill -Be Up building

From the Watchtower magazine, 2010