What Can Go Wrong?

Unrealistic Expectations

"Unrealistic expectations," explains a marriage therapist, "are one of the biggest  causes of dissatisfaction in marriage." Many married people become disillusioned when they discover that marriage is  not all they had expected and that their spouse is not quite what they had envisioned him or her to be.  They find themselves mired in disillusionment over a mate's previously unseen faults or over failings more serious than they had anticipated.  

The Bible, though, candidly admits that marriage can bring "pain and grief." (1 Corinthians 7:28, The New English Bible) Why? One reason is because a relationship between two imperfect humans sooner or later exposes their respective faults.    

Additionally, many people unrealistically expect to get more  out of marriage than they put into it.    Blinded by romantic notions of matrimonial bliss, they overlook the responsibility and hard work needed to build a happy marriage.  They set themselves up for a tragic encounter with reality that is likely to leave them disappointed and bewildered.  Often, the more inflated the delusions are about marriage, the greater the disenchantment is once reality hits home.  

Note: What about "for or better or worse, in sickness in health," etc., don't these people understand?  First of all, you are suppose to take as much time as you need to get to know someone, their likes, dislikes, etc. You want to know if they are truthful, honest, if they tend to be deceitful, sneaky, jealous,, possessive, etc., you need to know their habits and anything else about them. You need to talk things out in a calm manner. You need to give as much as you take. Marriage takes a lot work, 100% from each of you.  You can expect to take without giving something in return.  Respect each other's wishes and opinions,whether you feel that way or not, do not criticize.  If you can't do any of this, then you should not be married to this person.  But faults are are a part of marriage, because no one is perfect, No one! Deal with your problems in a mature way. Be realistic. Marriage is not a white knight and  princess thing. 

Next time: What Can Go Wrong? - Communication Crisis

From the AWAKE! magazine, 2008