Widows and Widowers-What Do They Need - How Can You Help?

Things to Avoid

Friends and family might be distressed by the suffering of their loved one and with good intentions try to limit the duration of the grieving process. However, one researcher who conducted a survey  of  700 widows and widowers  wrote:  "There is n 'right' length of time to grieve."  Therefore, instead of trying to stem the flow of tears, allow time  for the surviving spouse to express his or her grief. - GENESIS 37:34, 35; JOB 10:1.

While it might be appropriate for you to help with formalities related to the funeral arrangements, do not assume that you must take complete control of all matters  that have to do with the funeral. Paul, a 49-year-old widowers, says:  "I think it was nice that those who offered help in a real and practical way still allowed me to retain control of the arrangements. It meant a lot to me to have everything go well as my wife's memorial service. I felt that it was the last thing I could do to honor her." 

Of course, some help is no doubt  appreciated. Eileen, a 68-year-old widow, says:  "Arranging the funeral and sorting out the paperwork was hard, since I could not think straight.  Fortunately, my son and daughter-in-law really helped me."

Also, do not be afraid to talk about the dead loved one. Beryl, mentioned earlier, says:  "My friends were extremely supportive. However, I did find that many avoided speaking about my husband, John. It was as if he never existed, and I found that to be bit hurtful."  In time, widows and widowers may wish to speak  openly about their mate. Do you remember a kind gesture or an amusing story involving  the deceased one? Then, offer to tell it to the surviving mate; do not allow fear to hold you back. If you sense that your comment  would be welcome, say what you appreciated about him or what you miss about her.  This may help the grieving mates to  appreciate that their grief is shared. - ROMANS 12:15.

When offering your support, avoid overwhelming the grieving one with advice. Refrain from pressuring the bereaved mate to make decisions too quickly.  "Instead, use discernment and ask yourself<  'What positive steps can I take to help a friend or a relative through one of the most difficult  transitions in life?

Next time: Widows and Widowers-What Do They Need? -How Can You Help?

From the jw.org publications