Widows and WIdowers-What Do They Need? - How Can You Help?

What You Can Do

In the days following the immediate bereavement, a surviving spouse will likely welcome practical help. C0uld you prepare meals, or accommodate visiting relatives, or keep the grieving one company?

You also need to recognized that men and women may deal  with grief and loneliness differently.  For example, in some parts of the world. more  than half the widowers remarry withing 18 months following the death of a spouse-something that is rarely the case among widows.  What accounts for the difference?

Contrary to popular belief, men do not always remarry simply  to satisfy their physical or sexual needs. It is, in fact, the male tendency to confide solely in a mate that has plunged a man into profound solitude following her death.  Widows, on the other hand, are often more capable of finding emotional support. even though they sometimes are forgotten by the husband's friends. That tendency on the part of the widowers partly explains why many see remarriage too quickly. Widows may thus be better equipped to handle the pangs of loneliness.

Whether your friend or relative is a man, what can you do to lighten the burden of loneliness?  Helen, a 49-year-old widow, says,  "Many have good intentions, but they don't take the initiative. They will often say. 'If there is anything I can do, let me know.' But I appreciated it when some just said, I;m going shopping. How about coming along?'"  Paul, whose wife died of Cancer, explains why he appreciated being invited out. "At times," he says, "you do not feel like interacting with people or talking about your situation. But after an evening with fellowship, you feel much better; you do not feel so alone. You know that people truly care, and that makes things easier."

Next time:  Widows and Widowers-What Do They Need? 

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