HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE - How to Compromise

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Compromise requires teamwork.  Before marriage, you might have been accustomed to making unilateral decisions.  Now things have changed, and both you and your spouse  must put your marriage above your personal preferences.  Rather than think of that as a drawback, consider the advantage.  "The ideas of two people combined can lead to a solution that is better than what each one could come up with  alone," says a wife named Alexandra.

Compromise requires an open mind.  "You don't have to  agree with everything your spouse says or believes, but you have to be honestly open to his or her position," writes marriage counselor John M. Gottman.  "If you find yourself sitting with your arms folded and shaking your head no (or just thinking  it) when your spouse is trying to talk out a problem with you, your discussion will never get anywhere." 

Compromise requires self-sacrifice.  No one enjoys living with a spouse who believes "it's either  my way or the highway."  It is far better when both partners have a self-sacrificing  disposition.  "There are times when I yield to my husband to make him happy, but at times he does have the same for  me," says a wife named June. "That's what marriage should be about-give and take, not just take.

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE - How to Compromise - WHAT YOU CAN DO

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