Communication in Marriage -How to Discuss Problems

THE CHALLENGE 

When you and your spouse discuss a problem, do you seem to end up further apart than when you started the conversation?  If so, you can improve the situation. First, though, there are a few things you should know about the different communication of men and women.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Women usually prefer to talk out a problem before hearing a solution.  In fact, sometimes talking is the solution. 

"I feel better when I have expressed my feelings and know that my husband understands me. After I talk about it-usually withing just minutes after the conversation." -Sirppa.

"I can't move on if I don't have a chance to explain to my husband exactly how I feel.  Talking it out is a form of closure for me." -Ae-Jin. 

"It's like detective work. As I talk, I'm analyzing each step of the problem and trying to get to the root of it." -Lurdes.

Men tend to think in terms of solutions.  That is understandable because fixing things makes a man feel useful. Offering solutions is his way of showing his wife that she can rely on him for help.  So husbands are baffled when their solutions are not readily accepted.  "I can't understand why you would talk about a problem if you didn't want a solution! says a husband named Kirk. 

But "understanding much precede advice," warns the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  "You have to let your partner know that you fully understand and empathize with the dilemma before you suggest a solution. Oftentimes your spouse isn't asking you to come up with a solution at all-just to be a good listener." 

Next time: Communication in Marriage - How to Discuss Problems/WHAT YOU CAN DO

From The Watchtower magazine