HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE

How to Let Go of Resentment

 THE CHALLENGE: 

You cannot forget the bad things your spouse has said or done; the harsh words and thoughtless acts are indelibly etched in your memory. As a result, the affection you once had has been replaced by resentment. You have no choice,it seems, but to endure a loveless marriage. You resent your spouse for that too.

Be assured that things can improve. First, though, consider a few facts about resentment. 

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Resentment can destroy a marriage.  Why? Because it undermines the very qualities upon which a marriage should be built, including love, trust, and loyalty. In a sense, then, resentment is not the result of a  marital problem; it is a marital problem.  For good reason, the Bible says:  "Put away from yourselves every kind of malicious bitterness." -Ephesians 4:31. 

If you harbor resentment, you are hurting yourself.  Harboring resentment is like slapping yourself and then expecting the other person to feel the pain.  "The family member who is the focus of your resentment may be feeling just fine, enjoying life, and perhaps not at troubled by any of this," writes Mark Sichel in his book Healing From Family Rifts.  The bottom line?  Resentment hurts you far more than the person you resent," Sichel says. 

Resentment is a choice. Some people might doubt that. They would say, 'My spouse made me resentful.' The problem is, such thinking puts the emphasis on something that cannot be controlled-the actions of another person.  Bible offers an alternative.  It says:  "Let each one examine his own actions." (Galatians 6:4)  We cannot control what someone else says or does, but we can control how we react to it. Resentment is not the only option. 

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE -How to Let Go of Resentment/WHAT YOU CAN DO

From the Awake! magazine