Communication in Marriage - How to Discuss Problems

WHAT YOU CAN DO

For husbands:  Practice empathetic listening.  A husband named Tomas says: "Sometimes after listening I think to myself, 'That didn't accomplish anything.' But often that's all my wife needs-a listening ear." A husband named Stephen would agree.  "I find it best just to let my wife express herself without interrupting," he says.  "More often than not, she finishes and tells me she feels a lot better."

Try this:  The next time you discuss a problem with your wife, resist the urge to give her unsolicited advice. Make eye contact, and focus on what she is saying.  Nod in agreement. Repeat the gist of what she says to show that you get the point.  "Sometimes my wife just needs to know that I understand her and that I'm on her side," says a husband named Charles. -Bible principle: James 1:19. 

For wives:  say what you need.  "We might expect our spouse to know just what we need," says a wife named Eleni, "but sometimes we do have to spell it out." (Yes, because husbands/boyfriends, despite what women might think, do not read our minds. So it is unfair of us women to expect that of any man) A wife named Ynez suggests this approach:  "I could say, 'Something is bothering me, and I would like for you to hear me out. I don't need you to fix it, but I would like you to understand how I feel.'"

Try this:  If you husband prematurely offers solutions, do not conclude that he is being insensitive.  Likely he is trying to lighten your load.  "Instead of getting annoyed," says a wife name Ester,  "I try to realize that my husband does care and wants to listen but hat he also just wants to help." -Bible principle: Romans 12:10. 

For both:  We tend to treat others the way we want to be treated. However, to discuss problems effectively, you need to consider how your spouse  would like to be treated.  (1 Corinthians 10:24) A husband named Miguel puts it this way:  "If you are a husband, be willing to listen. If you are a wife, be willing to hear solutions once in a while. When you meet in the middle, both spouses benefit." -Bible principle: 1 Peter 3:8 

Next time: Faith-What Does the Bible Say? -What is Faith

From The Watchtower magazine