SINGLE-PARENT FAMILIES CAN SUCCEED

Single-Parents, Multiple Challenges

"I deal with a lot of emotions.  I spend nights in the bathroom crying. It's kind of hard." -JANET, A SINGLE MOTHER OF THREE.

THE routes to a single parenthood are many.  Some families are left with a single parent because of war, natural disaster, or disease. (And some choose to be, which is wrong.) 

Parents of some children decide not to marry each other.  For example, in Sweden almost half the children are born out of wedlock. Divorce also creates single-parent households.  Research suggests that over 50 percent  of American children will live in a single-parent household for some period of their childhood. 

Understanding the Challenges 

Mothers who have recently become widowed have a special burden to carry.  They must assume responsibility for their household while still grieving for their lost mate. Their adjustment to this role may take months, even years, as they cope with economic challenges and the responsibility of consoling their children.  The widowed mother may find it extremely  difficult to assume these added responsibilities.  This may leave a child without adequate parenting at a time when he or she desperately needs attention and reassurance. 

Single mothers who have not married their child's father are often very young and inexperienced.  They may not have had an opportunity to complete their formal education. Without adequate  job skills, they are more likely to be poor and unemployed  in low-paying jobs. Without the support of relatives, such as their parents, they will also have the added responsibility of providing suitable  day care for their child.  The unmarried mother may also be struggling with emotional burdens, such as feelings of shame and loneliness.  Some may fear that the presence of a child will preclude  their ever finding a suitable mate.  As children in such households grow older, they too may be plagued by unanswered questions about their background and by a need to be recognized by the absent parent.  

Similarly, parents going through  divorce are under enormous stress. Some parents may feel great anger as a result of the divorce.  Feelings of low self-worth and a deep feeling of rejection  may also rob some parents of their ability to extend themselves  emotionally to their children.  Mothers who need to enter the job market for the first time may have difficulty coping with the responsibility of managing a household.  They may feel that they have neither the time nor the energy for the special needs of the children, who themselves have to cope with dramatic changes after the divorce of  their parents. 

Note: The problem with the girls who end up pregnant by their boyfriends are not thinking about what could happen to the child if they keep them.  Some think to go on welfare-that the taxpayers won't mind paying for their sins-through welfare, and the fact that they may not have the child's father for help in the finances and raising the child.  (the child needs BOTH parents, I don't care what everyone says)  The idea of forcing their parents or welfare to take care them of them is wrong. After all, the were the ones who thought they were old enough to have a baby, the responsibility is theirs only. They have to grow up sometimes.   They need to  think ahead.  The ones who get divorced are also not thinking of the child/children. They are only thinking of themselves. God's Words in the Bible does not advertise divorce, unless the spouse had been cheated on and in that respect, then, the one who was cheated on, has the right to decide if they want to give the adulterer/spouse a second chance.   The Bible doesn't say, but since God does not want one spouse to mistreat/beat on the other spouse all the time, that divorce should be granted on that level and that God would approve; especially if they are a non-believer.   Who wants to get beat to death in their marriage?    And a restraining order only works if  the police catch the abuser in the process of doing the beating, which to me is not justice.  

Next time: SINGLE PARENT FAMILIES CAN SUCCEED-Single Parents, Multiple Challenges/Unique Challenges of Divorced Parents

From the Awake! magazine