HELP FOR THE FAMILY/PARENTING

 

How to Communicate With Your Teenager

THE CHALLENGE

As a child, he talked to you about everything.  As a teenager, he tells you nothing.  When you try to converse, he either gives you clipped responses or ignites an argument that turns your home ground into a battleground.

 You can learn to talk to your teenager.  First, though, two factors that may contriburte to the challenge.

WHY IT HAPPENS

The quest for independence.  To become a responsible adult, your teenager must, in a figurative sense, gradually move from the passenger seat to the driver's seat and learn to navigate life's treacherous roadways.  Of course, some teenagers want more freedom than they should have; on the other hand, some parents grant them less freedom than they could.   The tug-of-war  that may result can create considerable turmoil for parents and teens.  "My parents try to micromanage every aspect of my life," complains 16-year-old Brad.  If they don't gie me more freedom by the tme I turn 18, I'm moving out!

Abstract thinkin. Young children ten to think in concrete, black-and-white terms, but many teenagers can perceive the gray areas of a matter.  This is an important aspect of abstract thinking, and it helps a young person develop a sound judgmwent.  Consider an example:  To a child the concept of fairness seems simple: 'Mom broke a cookie in two and gave half to me and half to my brother.'  In this case, fairness is reduced to a mathematical formula.  Teenagers, however, realize that the concept is not that simple. After all, fair treatment is not always equal, and equal treatment is not always fair.  Abstract thinkin allows your teenager to grapple with such complex issues.  The downside? It can also cause him to grapple with you.  

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