Raising Considerate Children in a Me-First World

 

2 Overprotecting

The problem. Many young adults entering the workforce seem ill-prepared to cope with adversity.  Some are devastated by the slightest criticism .  Others are finicky and will accept only work that meets their highest expectations.  For example, Escaping Adolescence, Dr. Joseph Allen tells of a young man who said to him during a job interview: "I get the sense that  sometimes parts of the job can be a little boring, and I don't want to be bored."  Dr. Allen writes: "He didn't seem to understand tha tall jobs have some boring elements.  How did one make it to age  twenty-three without knowing that?" 

What is behind it.  In recent decades, many parents have felt compelled to protect theiir children from any type of adversity.  Your daughter failed a test? Intervene and demand that the teacher raise the grade. Your son receive a traffic ticket? Paythe fine for him.  A failed romance? Lay all the blame on the other person. 

While it is natural to want to protect your childlren, overprotecting them can send the worng message-tha they do not need to take responsibility for their actions."Instead of learning thaty they can survive pain and disappointment, and even learn from it," says the book Positive Discipline for Teenagers, "[such] children grow up extremely self-centered, convinced that the world and their parents owe them something." 

What the Bile says.  Adversity is a part of life. In fact, the Bible says: "Bad things happen to everyone!"  (Ecclesiastes 9:11, Easy-to-read Version) That includes good people. The Christian apostle Paul, for example, endured all manner of hardship during the course of his ministry.  Yet, facing up to adversity benefited him!  He wrote: "I have learned, in whatever circumstances I am, to be self-sufficient. . . . I have learned the secret of both how to be full and how to hunger, bot how to have an abundance and how to suffer want." - PHILIPPIANS 4:11,12.

What you can do.  Taking into account the maturitylevel of your children, strive to follow the Bible principle: "We each need carry our own load." (Galatians 6:5, CEV) If your son receives a traffic ticket, it might be best  to let him pay the fine out of his allowance or salary.  If your fails a test, perhaps tha tshould be a wake-up call to her so that next time she will be better prepared. If your son experiences a breakup of a romance, comfort him-but at the appropriate time help him to reflect on questions such as. "in hindsight, has this experience revealed any ways in which I need to grow?  Children who work through their problems builds a resilence and self-confidence-assets they might lack if someone was constantly rescuing them. 

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