FIND OUT BEFOREHAND

In the Christian congregation, those who are entrusted with responsibility are to be "tested as to fitness first."  (1 Timothy 3:10)  You too can employ this principle.   For example, a woman might ask, "What kind of reputation does this man have?  Who are his friends?  Does he display self-control? How does he treat elderly persons?  What kind of family does he come from? How does he interact with them?  What is his attitude toward money?  Does he abuse alcoholic beverages?  Is he temperamental, even violent?  What congregation responsibilities  does he have, and how does he handle them?  Could I deeply respect him?" -Leviticus 19:3; Proverbs 22:29; 31:23; Ephesians 5:3-5, 33; 1 Timothy 5:8; 6:10; Titus 2:6, 7. 

A man might ask, "Does this woman display love and respect for God?  Is she capable of caring for a home? What will her family expect of us? Is she wise,industrious,thrifty?  What does she talk about?  Is she genuinely concerned about the welfare of others, or is she self-centered, a busybody? Is she trustworthy?  Is she willing to submit to headship,m or is she stubborn, perhaps even rebellious?" -Proverbs 31:10-31; Luke 6:45; Ephesians 5:22, 23; 1  Timothy 5:13; 1 Peter 4:15. 

Do not forget that you are dealing with an imperfect descendant of Adam, not some idealized hero or heroine out of a romance novel.  Everyone has shortcomings, and some these will have to be overlooked-both yours and those of your prospective partner.  (Romans 3:23; James 3:2) Further, a perceived weakness can present an opportunity to grow.  For example, suppose during your courtship you have an argument.  Consider:Even people who love and respect each other disagree at times. (Compare Genesis 30:2; Acts 15:39) Could it be that both fo you simply need to 'restrain your spirit' a little more and learn how to settle matters more peacefully? (Proverbs 25:28)  Does your prospective mate show a desire to improve? ( note: Usually, only until they have that license, then some will show their true colors, been there with someone who did show their true colors. )  Do you? Could you learn to be less sensitive, less touchy? (Ecclesiastes 7:9) Leaning to resolve problems can establish  a pattern of honest communication that is essential if the two of you do get married. -Colossians 3:13.

(Note: Also, be on the lookout for patterns of abusive personality, possessiveness, jealousy, raising their hands to hit you, demeaning verbal abuse.  If /when they hit you, and say,they are sorry and they will never do it again. Believe me, they will. That is not someone who loves another, it is someone who loves to control the other; someone who loves power. They watch your every move, always want to know where you are going, when you will be back; or they will want to be with you every second of every day. If you work and you are driven to work. They will know  where you are and won't worry so much.  But otherwise, they will be there every waking moment and control everything you do.)  I hope this helps.  

What, though, if you notice things that trouble you deeply?  Such doubts should be considered carefully.  However romantic you may feel or however anxious you may be to get married, do not close your eyes to serious faults.  (Proverbs 22:3; Ecclesiastes 2:14)   (note: or habits, like gambling, drugs, alcohol, online games. There are all kinds of addictions/sicknesses)  If you have a relationship with someone about whom you have serious reservations, it is wise to discontinue the relationship and to refrain from making a lasting commitment to that person.  

Next time: KEEP YOUR COURTSHIP HONORABLE

From the book: THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996