WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MATE

Is it customary where you live for a person to choose his or her own marriage mate?  If so, how should you proceed if you find someone of the opposite sex attractive?  First, ask yourself, 'Is marriage really my intention?' Is it cruel to play with another person's emotions by raise false expectations? (Proverbs 13:12)  Then, ask yourself, 'Am I in a position to get married?' If the answer to both questions is positive, the steps you take next will vary depending on local custom.  In some lands, after observing for awhile, you might approach the person and express a desire to get better acquainted.  If the response is negative, do not persist to the point of being objectionable .  Remember , the other person also has a right to make a decision in the matter. If, however, the response is positive, you may arrange to spend some time together in wholesome activities.   This will give you the opportunity to see whether marriage to this person would be wise. What should you look for at this stage?

To answer this question, imagine two musical instruments, perhaps a piano and a guitar.  If they are correctly tuned, either one can produce beautiful solo music.  Yet, what happens if these instruments are played together?  Now they must be in tune with each other.  It is similar with you and a prospective mate.  Each of you may have worked hard to "tune" your personality traits as individuals. But the question now is:  Are you in tune with each other?  In other words, are you compatible? 

It is important that both of you have common beliefs and principles.  The apostle Paul wrote:  "Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers." (2 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 7:39)  Marriage to someone who does not share your faith in God makes it more likely that there will be severe disharmony.  On the other hand, a mutual devotion to Jehovah God is the strongest basis for unity.  Jehovah wants you to be happy and to enjoy the closest possible bond with the person you marry.  He wants you to be bound to Him and to each other by a threefold bond of love. -Ecclesiastes 4:12.

While worshiping God together is the most important aspect of unity, more is involved.  To be attuned to each other, you and your prospective mate (male with female only)  should have similar goals.  What are your goals?  For example, how do you both feel about having children?  What things have the first place in your life? (Matthew 6:33)  In a truly successful marriage,  the couple are good friends and enjoy each other's company. (Proverbs 17:17) For this,  they need to have interests in common.  It is difficult to sustain a close friendship-much less a marriage-when this is not the case.  Still, if your prospective mate enjoys a particular activity, such as hiking, and you do not, does that mean that   the two of you should not get married? Not necessarily.  Perhaps you share other, more important interests.  Moreover, you might give happiness to your prospective partner by sharing in wholesome activities because the other person enjoys them. -Acts 20:35.  (note: that does not always work, at least not for long) 

Indeed, to a large degree, compatibility is determined by how adaptable both of you are rather than how identical you are.  Instead of asking, "Do we agree on everything?" Some better questions might be:  "What happens when we disagree? Can we discuss matters calmly, according to each other's  respect and dignity? Or do discussions often deteriorate into heated arguments?" (Ephesians 4:29, 31) If you want to get married, be wary of anyone  who is proud and opinionated, never willing to compromise, or who constantly demands and schemes to have his or her own way.  

Next time: FIND OUT BEFOREHAND

From the book: THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996