PERMISSIVE ELI AND RESTRICTIVE REHOBOAM

Something else that has led to teenage rebellion is an unbalanced view of child rearing on the part of the parents.  (Colossians 3:21)  Some conscientious parents severely restrict and discipline their children.  Others are permissive, not providing guidelines  that would protect their inexperienced adolescent.  It is not always easy to strike a balance between these two extremes.  And different children have different needs. One may need more oversight than another.  Still, two Bible examples will help to show the dangers of being extreme in either restrictiveness or permissiveness.

Ancient Israel's high priest Eli was a father.  He served for 40 years, no doubt being well versed in the Law of God. Eli likely carried out his regular priestly duties quite faithfully and may even have thoroughly taught God's Law to his sons, Hophni  and Phinehas.  However, Eli was too indulgent with his sons.  Hophni and Phinehas served as officiating high priests, but they were "good-for-nothing men," interested only in satisfying their appetites  and immoral desires.  Yet, when they  committed disgraceful acts on sacred ground, Eli did not have the courage to oust them from office.  He merely gave them a feeble rebuke.  By his permissiveness, Eli honored his sons more than God. As a result, his sons rebelled against Jehovah's clean worship and Eli's whole house suffered calamity. -1 Samuel 2:12-17, 22-25, 29; 3:13, 14; 11-22. 

Eli's children were already adults when  these events took place, but this history underscores the danger of withholding discipline.  (Compare Proverbs 29:21) Some parents may confuse love with permissiveness, failing to set and enforce clear, consistent, and reasonable rules.  They neglect to apply loving discipline, even when godly principles are violated.  Because of such permissiveness, their children end up not paying attention to parental or any other type of authority. -Compare Ecclesiastes  8:11. 

Rehoboam exemplifies the other extreme in handling authority.  He was the last king of the united kingdom of Israel, but he was not a good king. Rehoboam had inherited  a land whose people were discontented because of the burdens place on them by his father.   Solomon.  Did Rehoboam show understanding?  No. When a delegation asked him to remove some of the oppressive measures, he failed to heed mature advice from his older counselors and commanded that  the people's yoke be made heavier.  His arrogance provoked a rebellion by the ten northern tribes, and the kingdom was ripped in two. -1 Kings 12:1-21; 2 Chronicles 10:19. 

Parents can learn some important lessons from the Bible account of Rehoboam.  They need to "search for Jehovah" in prayer and to examine their child-rearing methods in the light of Bible principle.  (Psalm 105:4)  "Mere oppression may made a wise on act crazy," says Ecclesiastes 7:7.  Well-thought -out boundaries give adolescents room to grow while protecting them from harm.  But children should not live in an atmosphere that is so rigid and constricting that they are prevented from developing a reasonable measure of self-reliance and self-confidence.  When parent strive  for a balance between fair latitude and firm boundaries that are clearly marked, most teenagers will feel less inclined  to rebel. 

TALK IT OUT

Adolescents will experience doubts and anxieties connected with increased independence.   They may feel a little shaky about their ability to handle themselves in the world.  It is as if they were trying  to walk on a slippery road.  You young ones, confide in your parents about your fears and the apprehensions you are experiencing.  (Proverbs 3:22) Or if you feel that your parents are holding you too tightly, talk with them about your need to be granted  more freedom.  Plan to talk with them at a time when you are relaxed and when they are not busy. (Proverbs 15:23) Take the time to really listen to each other.   

Note:  After all, we were your age once too and if not for us and God, you would not be here, period. It is the adults from past generations to now  that built this world,so we are not all as stupid you think.) 

Next time:  FILLING BASIC NEEDS CAN PREVENT REBELLION

From the book: THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996