HONEST AND OPEN COMMUNICATION

The Bible says:  "There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk." (Proverbs 15:22)  If confidential talk was necessary when the children were younger, it is especially vital during the teen years-when youngsters likely spend less time at home and more time with school friends or other companions. If there is no confidential talk-no honest and open communication between children and parents-teenagers can become strangers in the house.  So how can the lines of communication be kept open? 

Both teenagers  and parent must play their part in this . True, adolescents may find it more difficult to talk with their parents than they did when they were younger.  Nevertheless, remember that "when there is no skillful direction, the people fall; but there is salvation in the multitude of counselors." (Proverbs 11:14) These words apply to all, young and old alike.  Teenagers who realize this will understand  that they still need skillful direction, since they are facing more-complex  issues than before.   They should recognize that their believing parents are well qualified as counselors because they are more experienced in life and have proved their loving concern over many years.   (and they are the parents, not the teenagers.)  Hence, at this stage in their life, wise teenagers will not turn away from their parents. 

Open communication means that the parent will try hard to be available when the teenager feels the need to talk.  (note: now days, a lot of teens want nothing to do with their parents, they think they know everything. Wrong!)  If you are a parent, make sure that communication is open at least from your side.  This may not be easy.   The Bible says that there is "a time to keep quiet and a time to speak." (Ecclesiastes 3:7) When your teenager feels it is time to speak, it may be your time to keep quiet.  Perhaps you  have set that time aside for personal study, relaxation, or work around the house.  Still, if your youngster wants to talk to you, try to adjust your plans and listen.  Otherwise, he may not try again.  Remember the example of Jesus.  On one occasion, he had scheduled a time to relax.  But when people came crowding around to hear him, he put off resting and began to teach them.  (Mark 6:30-34) Most teenagers realize that their parents lead busy lives, but they need reassurance that  their parents are there for them if needed. Hence, be available and be understanding.  

Try to remember what it was like when you were a teenager, and do not lose your sense of humor!  Parents need to enjoy being with their children.  When there is free time available, how do the parents spend it?  If they always wan to use their free time doing things that do not include their family , their teenagers will be quick to notice. If adolescents come to the conclusion that school friends think more of them than their parents do, they are bound to have problems. 

Next time:  WHAT TO COMMUNICATE

From the book: THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996