YOUR CHILDREN'S FRIENDS

"Where on earth did you learn that?" How many parents have asked that question, horrified at something that their child has said or done and that seems completely out of character? And how often does the answer involve some new friend at school or in the neighborhood?  Yes, companions affect us profoundly, whether we are young or old. The apostle Paul warned:  "Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits." (1 Corinthians 15:33; Proverbs 13:20) Youths in particular are susceptible to peer pressure.  They tend to be uncertain about themselves and may at times feel overwhelmed by a desire to please and impress their associates.  How vital it is, then, that they choose good friends!

As every parent knows, children will not always choose well; they need some guidance.  It is not a matter of choosing their friends for them.  Rather, as they grow, teach them discernment and help them to see what qualities they should value in friends.  The main quality is a love of Jehovah and of doing what is right in his eyes.  (Mark 12:28-30)  Teach them to love and respect those who possess honesty, kindness, generosity, diligence. During the family study, help children to recognize such qualities in Bible characters and then to find the same traits in others in the congregation.  Set the example by using  the same criteria in choosing your own friends.

Do you know who your children's friends are? Why not have your children bring them home so that you can meet them?  You might also ask your children what other children think about these friends. Are they known for demonstrating personal integrity or for living a double life? If the latter is true, help your children to reason on why such association could hurt them.  (Psalm 26:4, 5, 9-12)  If you notice undesirable changes in your behavior, dress, attitude, or speech, you may need to have a talk about his or her friends.  Your child may be spending time with a friend who is exerting a negative influence. -Compare Genesis 34:1, 2. 

Yet it is not enough simply to teach your children to avoid associates.  Help them to find good ones.  One father says:  "We would always try to substitute. So  when the school wanted our son on the football team, my wife and I sat down with him and discussed why that wouldn't be a good idea-because of the new companions that would be involved.   But then we suggested getting some of the other children in the congregation and taking all of them to the park to play ball. And that worked out fine." 

Wise parents help their children to find good friends and then to enjoy wholesome recreation with them.  For many parents, though, this  matter of recreation presents challenges of its own. 

Next time: WHAT KIND OF RECREATION?

From the book: THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996