KNOW YOURSELF FIRST

Do you find it easy to list the qualities you want in a mate? Most do.  However, what about your own qualities?  What traits do you have that will help you to contribute to a successful marriage?  What type of husband or wife will you be? For example, do you freely admit your mistakes and accept advice, or are you always defensive when corrected? Are you generally cheerful and optimistic, or do you tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining?  (Proverbs 8:33; 15:15)  Remember, marriage will not change  your personality.  If you are proud, oversensitive,or overly pessimistic when single, you will be the same when married.  Since it is difficult to see ourselves the way others see us, why not ask a parent or a trusted friend for frank comments and suggestions?  If you learn of changes that could be made, work on these before taking steps to marry.

The Bible encourages us to let God's holy spirit  work in us,  producing qualities such as 'love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control." (note: a sense of humor and a being sensitive doesn't hurt either, that is one of the things I like in a man, and the fact that he is secure enough in his manhood to not be afraid to cry; just don't be a cry baby) It also tells us to "be made new in the force actuating [our] mind" and to "put on the new personality which was created according to God's will in true righteousness and loyalty." (Galatians 5:22, 23; Ephesians 4:23, 24) Applying this counsel while you are still single will be like depositing money in the bank-something that will prove very valuable in the future, when you do marry. 

For example, if you are a woman, learn to pay more attention to "the secret person of the heart" than you do your physical appearance. ( 1 Peter 3:3, 4) Modesty and soundness of mind will help you to have wisdom, a true "crown of beauty."  (Proverbs  4:9; 31:10, 30; 1 Timothy 5:1, 2)  While learning to make decisions and shoulder responsibility, learn also to be modest and humble.  A domineering attitude will lead to trouble in a marriage.  (so will a bad temper) -Proverbs 29:23; Micah 6:8; Ephesians 5:28, 29. 

Although making the mid over in these areas is not easy. It is something all Christians should work on. And it will help you to be a better marriage partner. (note:marriage partners to God is a man and a wife. Anything else is not accepted and is not natural.)  

Next time: WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MATE

From the book: THE SECRET TO FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996