HANDLING A DETERMINE REBEL

In some cases it becomes clear that a youth has made a definite decision to rebel and completely reject Christian values.  Then the focus should change to that of maintaining or rebuilding the family life of those who remain.  Be careful that you do not direct all your energy to the rebel, the neglect of the other children.  Instead of trying to hide the trouble from the rest of the family, discuss the matter with them to an appropriate extent and in a reassuring way. -Compare Proverbs 20:18.  The apostle Paul said of one who becomes an irreclaimable rebel in the congregation:  "Never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him." (2 John 10)  Parents may feel it necessary to take a similar stand toward their own child if he is of legal age and becomes totally rebellious.  As difficult and wrenching as such action may be, it is sometimes essential in order to protect the rest of the family.  Your household needs your protection and continued oversight.  Hence,  keep on maintaining clearly defined, yet reasonable, boundaries of conduct.  Communicate with the other children.  Be interested in how they are doing in school and in the congregation.  Also, let them know that even though you do not approve of the rebellious child's  actions, you do not hate him.  Condemn the bad action rather than the child.  When Jacob's two sons brought ostracism upon the family because of their cruel deed, Jacob cursed their violent anger, not the sons themselves. -Genesis 34:1-31; 49:5-7.

You may feel responsible for what has happened in your family.  But if you have prayerfully done all you could, following Jehovah's counsel as well as you were able, there is no need to criticize yourself unreasonably.   Take comfort in the fact that nobody can be a perfect parent, but you conscientiously tried to be a good one.  (Compare Acts 20:26)  To have an out-and-out rebel in the family is heartrending, but if it should happen to you, be assured that God understands and he will never abandon  his devoted servants.  (Psalm 27:10) So be determined to keep your home a safe, spiritual haven for any remaining children. 

Moreover, you should never give up hope.  Your earlier efforts in proper training may eventually affect the heart of the straying child and bring him back to his senses.  (Ecclesiastes 11:6)  A number of Christian families have had the same experience as you, and some have seen their wayward children return, much as the father did in Jesus' parable of the prodigal son. (Luke 15:11-32)  The same thing may happen to you.

Next time: PROTECT YOUR FAMILY FROM DESTRUCTIVE INFLUENCES, CHAPTER EIGHT

From the book: THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996