Conclusion ofTHE SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL STEP-FAMILIES/THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES OF STEP-FAMILIES

CHALLENGE 4; DISCIPLINE OF CHILDREN

WHY might child rearing cause conflict in a step-family?  Discipline may have become lax in a single-parent family. When a stepparent joins the family, the emotional attachment to the children may not be fully formed. The result?  The stepparent may think the parent is too soft on the children, while the biological parent thinks the stepparent is too hard on them.

The Bible recommends balance in rearing children: Do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental regulating of Jehovah [God]." (Ephesians 6:4) The focus  here is on training your child's thinking rather than on merely controlling his behavior. At the same time, parents are encouraged to be kind and loving so that their discipline does not become a source of irritation. 

WHAT YOU CAN DO

* Establish house rules, starting with those you already have. Consider the benefit of such rules in the following scenario: 

Stepmother: Jennifer, the house rule is no texting until your homework is finished. 

Jennifer: You're not my mother.

Stepmother: That's right Jen, but I am the parent in charge tonight, and the rule is no  texting until your homework is finished.

Avoid creating many rules or changing routines too quickly. What seems like a simple request to a stepparent can be a burden to a child who feels that his entire world  has already been turned upside down.   Of course, some new rules may be essential, such as a household privacy policy and a dress code, especially if there are older children in the step-family. 

Discuss disagreements in private, in in front of the children. Focus on the child's specific behavior rather than on some supposed flaw in earlier training. 

Next time: STEP-FAMILY SUCCESS PROFILES/NO LONGER JUST HOUSEMATES

From the AWAKE! magazine, 2012