Continue with SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL STEP-FAMILIES/THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES OF STEP-FAMILIES

CHALLENGE 1: FAILED EXPECTATIONS

STEP-FAMILY marriages often begin with high expectations. Parents hope to avoid or to fix the mistakes made in a previous marriage and to find the love or security that has been missing.  Some hopes may be little more than fantasies, but any that go unfulfilled cause stress. As the Bible says:  "An expectation that drags on and on makes you sick at heart." (Proverbs 13:12, Beck)  What if unmet expectations are making you heartsick? 

WHAT YOU CAN DO.

Do not bottle up your feelings, hoping that the disappointment will go away. Instead, identify an unmet expectation that frustrates you. Next, determine why you hope for this, so you can understand why you cling to it. Finally, try to find a more realistic expectation for now. Here are some examples: 

1. From the start, I will love my stepchildren and they will love me.

Why? I've always dreamed of being in a warm, close family.

 More realistic; In time, our love for one another can grow. What matters now is that we can feel safe and respected in our family. 

2.  Everyone in the family will adjust quickly. 

  Why? We're ready for a fresh start.  

More realistic: Step-families usually take between four and seven years to stabilize. Our issues are completely normal. 

3.  We won't argue about money.

Why? Our love will help us to avoid petty disputes. 

More realistic;  Financial issues related to our previous marriages are complex.  We may not yet be ready to pool together all our money.   

Next time: Continue with SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL STEP-FAMILIES/THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES OF STEP-FAMILIES 

From the AWAKE! magazine, 2012