Coping With Grief

THE patriarch Jacob grieved deeply over the loss of his son. He expected to grieve until the day he died. Like Jacob, you may feel that the pain of losing a loved one is so deep that it will never go away. Does such intense grief necessarily indicate a lack of faith in God? Definitely not! 

The Bible portrays Jacob as a man of faith. Along with his grandfather Abraham and his father, Isaac, Jacob is commended for his outstanding faith.  (Hebrews 11:8, 9, 13)  Why, on one occasion, he even wrestled all night with an angel to get a blessing from God! (Genesis 32:24-30)  Evidently, Jacob was a deeply spiritual man. What, then, can we learn from Jacob's  grief?  Deep feelings of grief and sorrow when a loved one dies are not incompatible with strong faith in God. Grief is the normal and natural response to the loss of someone we love. 

What Is Grief?

Grief can affect us in various ways, but for many the overriding feeling is one of intense emotional pain. Consider the experience of Leonardo, who was 14 years old when his father suddenly died from cardio-respiratory  problems.  Leonardo will never forget the day his aunt broke the news  to him. At first, he refused to believe that it was true. He saw his father's body at the funeral, but it all seemed strangely unreal. For about six months, Leonardo was unable to cry. Often, he  found himself waiting for his father to come home from work. It took about a year before the full impact of  the loss sank in. When it all did, he felt terribly alone. Ordinary things-such as coming home to an empty house-reminded him of his father's absence. At such times, he often broke down and cried. How he missed his father!

As Leonardo's experience well illustrates, grief can be intense. The good news is that recovery is possible. However, it may take some time. Just as a severe physical wound takes time to heal, so it is with bereavement.  Recovering from grief may take months, a few years, or even longer. But the acute pain you feel in the beginning will lessen in time, and life will gradually seem less bleak and meaningless. 

In the meantime, grief is said to be a necessary part of the healing process and of learning to adapt to the new situation. There is an empty space  where before there was a living human. We need to adjust  to life without that person. Grief may provide  a necessary emotional release. Of course, not everyone grieves in exactly the same way. One thing, though, seems to hold true: repressing your grief can be harmful mentally, emotionally, and physically. How, then, can you express your grief in healthy ways?  The Bible contains some practical advice.

Next time: Coping With Grief

From the Watchtower magazine, 2008