Continue with SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL STEP-FAMILIES/THE UNIQUE CHALLENGE OF STEP-FAMILIES

CHALLENGE 2: HOW TO UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER

LIKE Yoshito and Tatsuki, step-family members may not really understand each other. Why is this significant?  As problems arise, you may want to act quickly to solve them.  But to act effectively, you must first understand your family.

It is important to consider how you communicate, since speech can tear down as well as build up. As the Bible says:  "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." (Proverbs 18:21)  How can you use your tongue to build understanding rather than stifle it? 

WHAT YOU CAN DO

* Be curious and emphatic about one another's feelings rather than judgmental. For example: 

If your son says, "I miss Dad," acknowledge his loss. Instead of saying, "But your step-dad loves you and is better to you than your father," try this:  "It really must be hard. Tell me, what do you  miss the most about your dad?"

Instead of accusing your new spouse by saying, "Your son wouldn't be so rude if you had been a better parent," share how you feel. Try this: "Could you please remind Luke to say hello to  me when he comes home? It would really help me."

Use time together for meals, recreation, and worship to learn about one another.

Have regular family meetings with everyone present. Allow each member to speak without interruptions, starting with something good about the new family, followed by a concern. Show respect eve if you disagree, and let anyone offer a solution. 

Next time: SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL STEP-FAMILIES/THE UNIQUE CHALLENGE OF STEP-FAMILIES

From the AWAKE! magazine, 2012