STEP-FAMILY SUCCESS PROFILES/"UNITY IS MORE IMPORTANT"

Anton and Marelize each brought three children into their step-family when they married six years ago.


Anton: We do things like camping trips as a family, and we spend time with each child individually. It took us a few years to really settle in, but most of our family issues are sorted out now.

Marelize: We feel that it's important to view the children as "ours" not "yours and mine." I remember once making a fuss when I felt that Anton unfairly disciplined one of my boys and gave his daughter the preferred seat in the car. I learned that family unity is more important than sitting in the front seat. We try to be fair even though we cannot treat everyone exactly the same.

I also avoid talking about exciting times from our previous family, since those who  weren't there will feel like outsiders. Instead, I express gratitude for the family we now have. 

"COMMENDATION FIRST"

Francis married Cecelia four years ago. Their household includes her three adult children and his teenage son.

Francis: I try to be approachable and to avoid taking offense easily. We regularly share meals together and use this time for family discussion. I also encourage everyone to care for some household chores, since these benefit the entire family.

Cecelia: I spend time with each of our children and listen to their fears and frustrations. In our family meetings, we try to give commendation first and then encouragement for improvement.  And when I make mistakes, I acknowledge these and make a sincere apology. 

Next time: Continue with STEP-FAMILY SUCCESS PROFILES/RAISE BY TWO STEPPARENTS

From  the AWAKE! magazine, 2012