Your Questions Answered

In helping your child to cope with bereavement, you may encounter situations that puzzle you. What can you do?  Let us consider some common questions that may come up. 

* Should I hide my grief from my child?  It is natural to want to protect your child. But is it wrong for you child to see that you are grieving?  Many parents have found it best to be honest about their sorrow, thus showing their child that it is normal to grieve. Some have discussed with their children Bible examples  of individuals who openly grieved.  For example, Jesus gave way to tears when his dear friend Lazarus died. Jesus did not hide his emotions. -John 11:35. 

*Should my young child attend proceedings at a funeral home or at the graveside or be present at a  memorial service?   If a child is to attend, it may be wise to explain to him in advance what to expect, including why the service is held. Of course, in some circumstances, parents may decide that there are good reasons for their children not to be present for all or part of the services to be held.  Children who are present at funeral services conducted by Jehovah's Witnesses may benefit  from the Bible-based discourse that is given.  In addition, the "tender affection" and love evident among those present can make it a meaningful and soothing experience, even for a child. -Romans 12:10, 15; John 13:34, 35. 

*Should I talk to my child about the deceased love one?  Some researchers say that if you completely avoid this topic, your child may mistakenly conclude that you are keeping something secret about the deceased or are trying to erase all memory of that one.   Author Julia Rathkey observes:  "It;s important to help children to learn to live with the memory and not be afraid."  Speaking freely about the deceased, including mentioning positive aspects of that one's personality and life, may well help with the grieving process. Witness parents comfort their children with the Bible's hope of the resurrection to a paradise earth, where sickness and death will be no more. -Revelation 21:4. 

*How can I help my child while he is mourning?  During the  grieving process, your child may experience physical symptoms, perhaps illness.  The child may become angry or troubled because of feeling helpless and frustrated. Do not be surprised  if your child is plagued with guilt, clings more closely to you, or panics if you arrive late or become ill. How can you handle  your child's turmoil?  Your child should never feel that  you do not notice that something is wrong. So be perceptive and monitor the situation. Try not to misjudge or underestimate how much your child is affected by death. Provide regular assurance, and encourage questions and open communication. You can strengthen you child's hope-and yours as well-"through the comfort from the Scriptures." -Romans 15:4.

*How soon should I restore family routines and other activities?  Maintain as many routines as possible, say experts.  Keeping healthy routines is said to  be an effective tool for managing grief. Among Jehovah's Witnesses, many parents have found that keeping up  a good spiritual routine, which includes having a regular family Bible study and attending Christian meetings, can have a stabilizing and strengthening effect on the family. -Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Hebrews 10:24, 25. 

Until the time when Jehovah God brings an end to sickness and death, children will from time to time be confronted by the tragedy of death.  (Isaiah 25:8) However, with proper reassurance and support, children can be helped to cope successfully with the loss of a loved one.

Next time:WHY DO JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES NOT GO TO WAR? 

From the Watchtower magazine, 2008