If Marriage Is at the Breaking Point

BE REALISTIC

An element that sometimes leads to problems is the unrealistic expectations that one or both of the marriage partners may have. Romance novels, popular magazines, television programs, and movies can create hopes and dreams that are far removed from real life.  When these dreams  do not come true, a person can feel cheated, dissatisfied, even bitter.  How, though, can two imperfect people find happiness in marriage?  It takes work to achieve a successful relationship. 

The Bible is practical. It acknowledges the joys of marriage, but it  also warns that those who marry "will have tribulation in their flesh."  (1 Corinthians 7:28) As  already noted, both partners are imperfect and prone to sin.  The mental and emotional makeup and the upbringing of each partner are different. Couples sometimes disagree about money, children, and in-laws. Insufficient time to do things together and sexual problems can also be a  source of conflict.  It takes time to address such matters but take heart!  Most married couples are able to face such problems and work out mutually acceptable solutions.

DISCUSS DIFFERENCES 

Many find it difficult to remain calm when they discuss hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or  personal failings.  Instead of straightforwardly saying "I feel misunderstood,"  a spouse may get emotional and exaggerate  the problem.  Many will say: "You only care for yourself," or "You don't love me." Not wanting to get involved in an argument, the other spouse may refuse to respond.  

A better course to follow is to heed the Bible's  counsel:  "Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state."  (Ephesians 4:26)   One happily married couple, on reaching their 60th wedding anniversary, were asked the secret of their successful marriage.  The husband said:  "We learned not to go to sleep without settling differences, no matter how minor they may have been." 

When a husband and a wife disagree, each one needs to "be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath."  (James 1:19) After listening carefully, both partners might see the need to apologize.  (James 5:16) Saying with sincerity, "Sorry for hurting you." takes humility and courage.  But handling differences  in this manner will go a long way in helping a married couple not only to solve their problems but also to develop a warmth and intimacy that will make them find more pleasure in each other's company.  

Next time: If Marriage Is at the Breaking Point?/RENDERING THE MARRIAGE DUE

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS