You Can Overcome Problems That Damage a Family

HOW TO AVOID DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Domestic Violence begins in the heart and mind; the way we act begins with how we think.  (James 1:14, 15) To stop the violence, the abuser needs to transform his way of thinking.  (Romans 12:2) Is that possible?  Yes, God's Word has the power to change people. It can uproot even "strongly entrenched" destructive views. (2 Corinthians 10:4; Hebrews 4:12) Accurate knowledge of the Bible can help produce so complete a change in people that they are said to put on a new personality. -Ephesians 4:22-24; Colossians 3:8-10.


View of marriage mate.  God's Word says:  "Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself."  (Ephesians  5:28) The Bible also says that a husband should assign his wife "honor as to a weaker vessel."  (1 Peter 3:7) Wives are admonished "to love their husbands and to have "deep respect" for them.  (Titus 2:4; Ephesians 5:33)  Surely no God-fearing husband can truthfully argue that he really honor his wife if he assaults her physically or verbally. And no wife who screams at her husband, addresses him sarcastically, or constantly scolds him can that she truly loves him and respects him. 

Proper view of children.  Children deserve, yet, need, love and attention from their parents. God's Word calls children "an inheritance from Jehovah" and "a reward."  (Psalm 127:3) Parents are responsible before Jehovah to take care for that inheritance. The Bible speaks of "traits of a babe" and the "foolishness" of boyhood.  (1 Corinthians 13:11; Proverbs 22:15) Parent should not be surprised if they encounter foolishness in their children. Youngsters are not adults.  Parents should not demand more than is appropriate for a child's age, family background, and ability. -See Genesis 33:12-14. 

View of elderly parents. Leviticus 19:32 says:  "Before gray hair you should rise up, and you must show consideration for the person of an old man."  God's Law thus fostered respect and a high regard for the elderly. This may be a challenge  when an elderly parent seems overly demanding or is ill and perhaps does not move or think quickly.  Still, children are reminded to "keep paying a due compensation to their parents."  (1 Timothy 5:4) This would mean treating them with dignity and respect, perhaps even providing for them financially.  Mistreating elderly parents physically or otherwise absolutely contradicts the way the Bible tells us to act. 

Cultivate self-control.  Proverbs 29:11 says: "All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out, but that is wise  keeps it calm to the last."  How can you control your spirit?  Instead of letting frustration build up inside, act quickly to settle difficulties that arise.  (Ephesians 4:26, 27) Leave the scene if you feel yourself losing control. Pray for God's holy spirit to product self-control in you.  (Galatians 5:22, 23) Going for a walk or engaging in some physical exercises may help you control your emotions.  (Proverbs 17:14, 27) Endeavor to be "slow to anger." -Proverbs 14:29.  

Note: Much like the abuser though, they are like alcoholics in that respect.  They have to realize and admit that they have a problem for one thing; for another, they have to be religious to do so. I was married to one.  They always say they are sorry, but yet, they keep right on abusing the ones they claim to love.   In my opinion, they do not change. They say they will change and never do it again, but they always do! I have talked to women who have been in that situation and the same was true for them.  The abuser has to admit first that he/she has a problem, then they have to want to change.  In my opinion, they never change. It is best to get out of that situation before the abuser kills the loved one.  I am deadly serious!  My abuser's father was the same way, except he died in a mental institution.  So, not everyone can change, especially if you do not believe in God.  I am sure that maybe a couple could change, but that is, to me is unrealistic. I am a lover of God and have complete faith and trust in him, but like I said, the abusers do not think they have a problem to start with, It may take you years to do it, like it did me, but if you are smart and want to continue to live. Get out of that situation! I am a very realistic person. I know this behavior. They don't always show that persona in public. They wait until you are home. They usually also will hide it from the children.  They will wait until they are asleep and then beat the crap out of you and they threaten to hurt you more if you make one little peep. These abusers are control freaks. If they are unbelievers, God's Word will not do you, the victim any good. They don't know what love is.  

Next time: You Can Overcome Problems That Damage a Family/TO SEPARATE OR REMAIN TOGETHER? 

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS