DISCUSS DIFFERENCES

Many find it difficult to remain calm when they discuss hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or personal failings. Instead of straightforwardly saying:  "I feel misunderstood," a spouse may get emotional and exaggerate the problem.  Many will say:  "You only care for yourself," or "your don't love me."  Not wanting to get involved in an argument, the other spouse may refuse to respond.

A better course to follow is to heed the Bible's counsel:  "Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state." (Ephesians 4:26)  One happily married  couple, on reaching their 60th wedding anniversary, were asked the secret of their successful marriage.  The husband said:  "We learned not to go to sleep without settling our differences, no matter how minor thy may have been. 

When a husband and wife disagree, each one needs to "be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath. " (James 1:19) After listening carefully, both partners might see the need to apologize. (James 5:16) Saying with sincerity, "Sorry for hurting you," takes humility and courage.  But handling differences in this manner will go a long way in helping a married couple not only to solve their problems but also to develop a warmth and intimacy that will make them find more pleasure in each other's company. 

Next time: RENDERING THE MARRIAGE DUE

From the book:  THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996