LOVE AND SELF-SACRIFICE

Many adult children have responded to the needs of their infirm parents with love and self-sacrifice.  Some have taken their parents into their own homes or have moved to be near them. Others have moved in with their parents. Frequently, such arrangements have proved to be a blessing to both parents and children. 

Sometimes, though, such moves do  not turn out well. Why? Perhaps because decisions are made too hastily or are based solely on emotion.  "The shrewd one considers his steps," the Bible wisely cautions. (Proverbs 14:15) For example, suppose that your elderly mother is having difficulty living alone and you think she might benefit by moving in with you.  In shrewdly considering your steps, you might consider the following: What are her actual needs?  Are there private or state-sponsored support services  that offer an acceptable alternative solution?  Does she want to move?  If she does, in what ways will her life  be affected?  Will she have to leave her friends behind?  How might this affect her emotionally?  Have you talked these things over with her? How might such a move affect you, nor mate, your own children?  If your mother needs care, who will provide it?  Can the responsibility be shared? Have you discussed the matter with all those directly involved?

Since the responsibility for care rests  with all the children in the family, it may be wise to hold a family conference so that all may share in making decisions. Talking to the elders in the Christian congregation or to friends who have faced a similar situation may also be helpful.  "There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk," warns the Bible, "but in the multitude of counselors there is accomplishment." -Proverbs 15:22.

Next time: BE EMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING

From the book: THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS, 1996