Can Prisoners Be REFORMED?/Is The Solution Part of the PROBLEM?

Schools for Criminals

The prison system does not always quell criminal behavior.  "When money is poured  into building another prison cell at the expense  of rebuilding  a prisoner's  self image, it is often just a prelude to more-and worse-crime," writes Jill Smolowe in Time magazine.  Peter, who has spent 14 years behind bars, would agree with that statement.  "Most of my fellow inmates started off with petty crime, then they moved up to property crime, and finally  they graduated to serious offenses against other humans," he says.  "For them, prisons are like trade schools.  They're going to come out worse."

While prisons may take criminals off the streets for a while, it seems that they do little -if anything-to deter crime in the long term.  Inner city  boys and young men often view imprisonment as an initiation rite.  Very often they end up becoming hardened offenders.   "Prison doesn't rehabilitate you at all," says Larry, who has spent most of his life in and out of jail.  "These guys come out and do the same thing all over again." 

This 'revolving door' may explain why, according to one study in the United States, 50 percent of all serious crimes are committed by about 5 percent of the criminals.  "When prisoners  have not constructive way to spend their time," remarks Time magazine,  "they often fill the hours building a reservoir of resentment, not to mention a grab bag of criminal tricks, that . . . they will take back to the streets." 

The situation is not unique to  the United States.  Jon Vatis, a physician at a military prison in Greece states:  "Our prisons have become very good at producing people who are menacing, violent, and mean.  When released, most inmates want to 'square up' with society.

Next time: Is the Solution Part of the PROBLEM?/The Social Cost

From the jw.org publications 

Can Prisoners Be REFORMED?

Is the Solution Part of the PROBLEM?


"Demeaning and demoralizing prisoners is the worst way to prepare them for the world outside." -AN EDITORIAL IN THE ATLANTA CONSTITUTION

IN MANY Cases prisons simply act as a restraint-and a temporary one at that. When a prisoner is released, has he really paid for his crime? What about the victims or their loved ones?  "I am the mother of a murdered child," pleaded Rita when the convicted killer of her 16-year-old son was released after serving only a three-year sentence.   "Please stop for a moment. Think. Can you begin to imagine what this means?" As Rita's case illustrates, tragedy often lingers long after the courts have finished their business and the headlines have faded.  

The issue is of concern not only to those whose lives have been touched by crime but also to everyone else. After all, whether released prisoners have been rehabilitated or simply hardened by their experience behind bars has a direct bearing on your peace of mind if not on your very safety. 

Note: Food for thought. One of the Ten Commandments in the Bible is "Thou shalt not kill/murder.    Also, it says,  vengeance is mine saith the Lord.  Jehovah God is against murder or someone being killed. So,  the prisoners who are in prison for murder, if they don't repent or change their ways, when the time comes, Jehovah God will do what is necessary to punish these people. And he can do a lot more damage than any human or prison on this earth can do to anyone if he needs or wants to.   This verse from God about vengeance is his and his only, not for others to do it for him.   

Next time: Can Prisoners Be REFORMED?/Is The Solutions Part of the PROBLEM?

From the jw.org publications 

Can Prisoners Be REFORMED?

Prisons in Crisis

"Building more prisons to address crime is like building more graveyards to address a fatal disease." -ROBERT GANGI, CORRECTIONAL EXPERT

IN A WORLD where political correctness often whitewashes the darker side of reality, we have soft alternatives for the bleak world "prison."  We prefer "penitentiary" or "correctional facility, " where vocational training" and "social services" are provided.  We even favor the term "inmate" over the dehumanizing word "prisoner." Yet, look under the veneer, and you will find that prisons are facing serious problems today, such as the skyrocketing cost of keeping offenders behind bars and the ever-widening gulf between the aims of incarceration and actual results. 

Some people question the effectiveness of prisons. They note that while the number of prisoners worldwide has soared to over eight million, the crime rate in many lands has not significantly diminished. Moreover, while a large number of those in prison are there for crimes involving drugs, the availability of drugs on the street is still a grave concern.

Nevertheless, many consider imprisonment to be the punishment of choice.  They feel that  when the offender is jailed, justice is served.  One journalist describes the zeal to put criminals behind bars as "lock'-em-up fever." 

There are four principal reasons why lawbreakers are put in prison:  (1) to punish the offenders, (2) to protect society, (3)  to prevent future crimes, and (4) to rehabilitate criminals, teaching them to be law-abiding and productive after their release. Let us see if prisons are accomplishing these objectives. 

Next time: Can Prisoners Be REFORMED?/Is the Solution Part of the PROBLEM? 

From the jw.org publications 







T

The Bible AUTHENTIC HISTORY?

History That Will Never Be Repeated

Today we live in the time of the ascendancy of the Anglo-American World Power, the last of the Bible prophecy. History's pattern says that like the others before it, it should come to an end. But how? According to the Bible, this power's end ill truly be unique. Pointing ahead to the year 1014 C.E., Daniel 2:44 said of the ruling political powers, or "kingdoms": "In the days of those kings the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be brought to ruin. And the kingdom itself will not be passed on to any other people. It will crush and put an end to all these kingdoms, and it itself will stand to time indefinite."

Yes, God's Kingdom-his heavenly government led by Christ Jesus-will obliterate every vestige of oppressive human rulership at Armageddon, the climax of the aforementioned "great tribulation."  Thereafter, this Kingdom will "not be passed on to any other people," meaning that it will never be overthrown or voted out of office. Its dominion will be "to the ends of the earth." -Psalm  72:8. 

At last, the cruel cycle of domination by false religion, oppressive politics, and greedy commerce will cease. Psalm 72:7 promises: "The righteous one will sprout, and the abundance of peace until the moon is no more." Not selfishness and pride but God's preeminent quality of love will permeate the planet.  (1 John 4:8) Jesus said; "Love one another."   Concerning this, historian Will Durant said:  "My final lesson of history is the same as that of Jesus. . . . Love is the most practical thing in the world. 

God's love for humans moved him to inspire the writing of the Bible. It alone truly illuminates the past, the present, and the future. Please embrace its life-giving message by investing a modest amount of time in Bible study. To that end and in obedience to Jesus' command, Jehovah's Witnesses share the "good news (true Bible knowledge -the real truth) of the Kingdom" with their neighbors. This good news will soon be more than prophecy. It will become living history. -Matthew 24:14. 

Next time: Can Prisoners Be REFORMED?

From the jw.org publications   

The Bible AUTHENTIC HISTORY?

Timely Lessons From an Ancient Narrative

Among other things, the book Genesis reveals the start of the human family-names and all. On this subject no other work of history is so specific.  'But what is the value today of knowing our original ancestry?' You may ask. It has immense value, for in revealing that all humans-regardless of color, tribe, or nations-stem from the same parents, Genesis removes any basis for racism. -Acts 1 7:26. 

Genesis also offers guidance on morality. It contains the account about Sodom, Gomorrah, and their neighboring cities, which God destroyed because of the gross sexual perversion of their inhabitants.  (Genesis 18:-19:29) Verse 7 of the Bible book of Jude says:  "Sodom and Gomorrah and the cities about them, after they . . . had committed fornication for unnatural use, are placed before us as a warning example."  The people of Sodom and Gomorrah did not receive any moral laws from God; however, like all humans, they had the God given faculty of conscience. Hence, God could justly hole those people accountable for their deeds, whether they accept his Word, the Holy Bible, or not. -2 Thessalonians 1:8, 9. 

A History in Survival

A relief on the Arch of Titus in Rome depicts Roman  soldiers carrying off sacred vessels from the temple in Jerusalem after the city's destruction in the year 70 C.E. Over a million Jews were killed.  However, obedient Christians survived, thanks to Jesus' advance warning: "When you see Jerusalem surrounded by encamped armies, then know that the desolating of her has drawn near.  Then let those in the midst of her withdraw, and let those in the country places not into into to her; because these are days for meting out justice." -Luke 21:20-22. 

Far from being just ancient history, Jerusalem's tribulation foreshadowed aspects of a great tribulation soon to engulf the entire world. But once again, there will be survivors. These are described as "a great crowd . . . out of all the nations and tribes and peoples and tongues."  They "come out of the great tribulation" because of their faith in Jesus' shed blood-a faith firmly based on Biblical history and prophecy. -Revelation 7:9, 14. 

Next time: The Bible AUTHENTIC HISTORY?/History That Will Never Be Repeated

From the jw.org publications

The Bible AUTHENTIC HISTORY?

Dynamic History With Powerful Lessons

For the most part, the Bible writers were men of the earth-farmers, shepherds, fishermen.  Yet, what they wrote over a period of some 1,600 years had influenced more people than any other writings, ancient or modern.  Furthermore, their writings  have been attacked from all quarters, but in vain.  (Isaiah 40:8; 1 Peter 1:25) Today the Bible can be read in whole or in part in some 2,200 languages-far more than any other book!  Why does the Bible enjoy such a distinction?   The following references help answer that question.

"All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving,  for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness, that the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work." -2 Timothy 3:16, 17.

"All the things that were written aforetime were written for our instruction [for today in this system as well],  that through our endurance and through the comfort from the Scriptures we might have hope." -Romans 15:4. 

"These things went on befalling them [the Israelites] as examples, and they were written for a warning to us [Christians] upon whom the ends of the systems of things have arrived." - 1 Corinthians 10:11.

Yes, as a divinely inspired and preserved  record of real people-some who pleased God and some who did not-The Bible is elevated above all other books. It is far from a clinical listing of do's and don'ts or a collection of cute little stories to entertain children. True, God used human penmen, but this has only enhanced  the Bible, giving it a warm appeal that has touched the hearts of readers generation after generation.  Archaeologist William Albright stated:  "The profound moral and spiritual intuitions of the Bible, which form a unique revelation of God to man through the channels  of human experience, are just as true today as they were two or three thousand years ago."

To illustrate the Bible's timeless relevance let us go back to the very beginning of human history-where the Bible alone can take us-and consider some key lessons from the book of Genesis. 

Next time: The Bible AUTHENTIC HISTORY?/Timely Lessons From an Ancient Narrative

From the jw.org publications

The Bible AUTHENTIC HISTORY?

THEY censured rulers.  They castigated priests. They reproved the common people for their wickedness.  They even put their own feelings an sins on  public record. They were hounded and persecuted, and some were even murdered for speaking and writing the truth. Who were they?  The prophets of the Bible, man of whom contributed to the Holy Scriptures. -Matthew 23:35-37.

In his book The Historian and History, Page Smith writes:  "[The Hebrews] were as pitiless to their heroes as to their villains, to themselves as to their adversaries, because they were writing under the eye of God and had nothing to gain and much to lose by dissembling."  Smith also wrote that "alongside  the tedious chronologies of the warrior kings of Syria or Egypt, the account of the tribulations and triumphs of a people chosen by God . . . make[s] an enthralling story. The Hebrew chronicles had discovered one of the most essential elements of history-that it is enacted by real people, with all their faults and blemishes."

The Bible writers were also meticulously  accurate. After analyzing the Bible in the light of history and archaeology, writer Werner Keller said that in the introduction of his book The Bible as History:  "In view of the overwhelming mass of authentic and well-attested evidence now available, . . . there  kept hammering on my brain this one sentence..  'The Bible is right after all!' "

Next time: The Bible AUTHENTIC HISTORY?/Dynamic History With Powerful Lessons

From the jw.org publications 

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE Past?

Problems Without Precedent

In the entire history of mankind, never before has the whole earth been threatened by the combined forces of deforestation, soil erosion, desertification, massive extinction of plant and animal species, atmospheric ozone depletion, pollution, global warming, dying oceans, and an exploding human population. 

"Another challenge facing modern societies is the sheet spread of change," says the book A Green History of the World. Ed Ayres, editor of World Watch magazine, writes:  "We are being confronted by something so completely outside our collective experience that we don't really see it, even when the evidence is overwhelming. For us, that 'something' is a blitz  of enormous biological and physical alterations in the world that has been sustaining us." 

In view of these and related problems, historian Pardon E. Tillinghast states:  "The directions in which society is moving have become infinitely more complex, and for many of us the dilemmas are terrifying. What guidance  can professional historians offer to confuse people today?  Not very much, it seems."

Professional historians may be at a loss as to what to do or what to advise, but surely that would not be true of our Creator.  In fact, he foretold in the Bible that the last days, the world would experience "critical times hard to deal with."  (2 Timothy 3:1-5)  But God has gone even further and done something historians are powerless to do-he has shown the way out, as we will see in the following article.

Next time: The Bible AUTHENTIC HISTORY?

From the jw.org publications 

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE Past?

Does History Repeat Itself?

Can we accurately predict the future on the basis of the past?  Certain types of events do recur. For example, former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger said:  "Every civilization that has ever existed has ultimately collapsed." He added:  "History is a tale of efforts that failed, of aspirations that weren't realized. . . . So, as a historian, one has to live with a sense of inevitability of tragedy." 

No two empires fell the same way. Babylon fell overnight before the Medes and the Persians in 539 B.C.E. Greece broke up into a number of kingdoms after the death of Alexander the Great, eventually giving way to Rome. Rome's demise, however, remains controversial. Historian Gerald Schlabach asks: "When did Rome fall?  Did it ever really fall?  Something changed in Western Europe between 400 CE and 600 CE. But much continued."  Clearly some aspects of history recur, while others do not. 

One consistently recurring lesson of history is the failure of human rulership.  In all ages, good government has constantly been foiled by self-interest, shortsightedness, greed, corruption, nepotism, and especially the lust to obtain and retain power. Hence, the past is littered with arms races, failed treaties, wars, social unrest and violence, the unfair distribution of wealth, and collapsed economies. 

For example, note what the Columbia History of the World says of the influences of Western civilization  of the rest of the world: "After Columbus and Cortes had awakened the people of Western Europe tot he possibilities, their appetite for converts, profits and fame was thoroughly  aroused and Western civilization  was introduced, mainly by force, over nearly all the globe. Equipped with an unappeasable urge to expand and with superior weapons, conquerors made the rest of the world into an unwilling appendage of the Great European powers . . .The peoples of these continents [Africa, Asia, and the Americas] were in short, the victims of a ruthless, unrelenting exploitation."  How true are the words found in Bible at Ecclesiastes 8:9: "Man has dominated man to his injury"!

Perhaps this lamentable record is what moved one German philosopher to comment that the only thing to be learned from history is that men learn noting from history. Jeremiah 10:23 states:  "The course of man is not in his control, nor is it man's power as he goes his way to guide his steps." (The Jerusalem  Bible)  This inability to guide our steps should  especially  concern us today. Why? Because we are afflicted by problems that in both number and scale are without precedent. So how will we cope? 

Next time: WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE Past?/ Problems Without Precedent

From the jw.org publications 

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE Past?

Doctored History

Sometimes history is not just biased but doctored.  The former Soviet Union, for instance,  "expunged the  name Trotsky from the record, so that the fact of the commissar's  existence disappeared," says the book Truth in History.  Who was Trotsky? He was a leader in the Russian Bolshevik Revolution  and was second only to Lenin.  After Lenin's death, Trotsky clashed with Stalin, was expelled from the Communist Party, and was later murdered.  His name was even purged from Soviet encyclopedias. Similar distortions of history, even to the point of burning non-conforming books, have been a regular practice of many dictatorial regimes.

Doctoring history, however, is an ancient practice, dating back at least as far as Egypt and Assyria. Proud and vain, pharaohs, kings, and emperors ensured that their historical legacy was flattering. So achievements were routinely exaggerated, while anything embarrassing or dishonorable, such as defeat in warfare, was played down, erased, or sometimes not even reported. In sharp contrast, the history of Israel recorded in the Bible includes both the failures and the glories of kings and subjects alike.
How do historians check the accuracy of older writings?  They compare these with such things as old tax records, law codes, advertisements for slave auctions, business and private letters and records, inscriptions on pottery shards, ships' logs, and items found in tombs and graves.  This miscellany often sheds additional or different light on official writings. Where gaps or uncertainties remain, good historians will usually say so, even though they might offer their own theories to fill the gaps. In any case, wise readers consult more than one reference if they seek a balanced interpretation.

In spite of all the challenges that the historian faces, his work can much to offer.  One history book explains;  "Hard as it is to write, . . .world history is important, even essential, to us."  Besides providing a window on the past, history can broaden our understanding of the present human condition.  We soon discover, for instance, that the ancients displayed the same human traits that people display today.  These recurring traits have had a major impact on history, perhaps leading to the saying that history repeats itself. But is that a sound generalization? 

Next time: WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE Past?/Does History Repeat Itself?

From the jw.org publications 

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE Past?

"Nothing is more important for historians that to chart cause and effect." GERALD SCHLABACH, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF HISTORY

HISTORIANS often ask, How and why did certain events happen? For example, history tells us that the Roman Empire fell.  But why did it fall? Was it because of corruption or pleasure seeking?  Had the empire become too unwieldy and its armies too costly?  Were Rome's enemies simply becoming too many and too powerful? 

More recently, Eastern European Communism, once seen as a threat  to the West, collapsed seemingly overnight in one country after another. But why? And what lessons are there to be learned?  These are the kinds of questions historians try to answer. But in providing answers, to what extent does personal bias affect their judgment? 

Can History Be Trusted?

Historians are more like detectives than scientists. They investigate, question, and challenge records from the past.  They aim for truth, but their target is often indistinct.  Part of the reason is that their work is largely about the people, and the historians cannot read minds-especially the minds of the dead. Historians may also have preconceived ideas and prejudices. Hence, sometimes the best work is really an interpretation-from the writer's own perspective.

Of course,  a historian's having his own point of view does not necessarily mean his work is inaccurate. The Biblical narratives of Samuel, Kings, and Chronicles include  parallel accounts that were written by five different individuals, yet it can be shown that they contain no significant contradictions or inaccuracies.  The same is true of the four Gospels. Many Bible writers even recorded their own faults and foolish mistakes-something rarely seen in secular works.-Numbers 20:9-12; Deuteronomy 32:48-52. 

Besides possible prejudices, another important factor to consider when reading history is the motive of the writer.  "Any history told by the wielders of power, or by seekers after power or by their friends, must be regarded with the utmost suspicion," says Michael Stanford in A Companion to the Study of History. Questionable motive is also  evident when works o history betray a subtle or even a bold plea to nationalism and patriotism. Sadly, this sometimes  found in school textbooks. A government decree in one country stated quite openly that the purpose of teaching history  is "to strengthen the nationalist and patriotic sentiments in the hearts of the people . . .  because the knowledge of the nation's past is one of the most important incentives to patriotic behavior." 

Next time: WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE Past?/Doctored History

From the jw.org publications 

History SHOULD WE TRUST IT?

"A knowledge of history brings . . . a feeling that we are part of a fellowship that runs through the ages from long before our birth to long after our death." A COMPANION TO THE STUDY OF HISTORY, BY MICHAEL STANFORD


TO LIVE without history is to live without a form of memory. Without history you, your family, your tribe, or even your nation would seem  to have no foundation and little if any meaning.

History can be a vast reservoir of lessons for life. It can help us avoid falling into the same old pitfalls time and again. As one philosopher asserted, people who forget about the past are condemned to repeat it. Being familiar with history can open our minds  to past civilizations, amazing discoveries, fascinating people, and different ways of looking at things.

But since history deals with people and events of long ago, how do we know if  it can be trusted?  If we are going to learn valuable lessons from history, then obviously these must be based on truth. And when we discover truth, we ought to accept it, even though that may not  always be palatable. The past can be like  a cactus garden-it has its beauty and its barbs; it can inspire, and it can prick. 

In the following articles, we will consider some aspects of history that can help us  to assess the accuracy of what we read.  We will also consider how authentic
history can benefit the discerning reader. 

Next time: WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE PAST?

From the jw.org publications

Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness

You Can Succeed

In times of uncertainty, remember this:  God is the Originator of the marriage arrangement.  (Matthew 19:4-6) Therefore, with his help, you can make your marriage succeed. All the couples mentioned above applied the Bible's wise counsel and were able to save their marriage. 

It has now been more than 20 years since the crisis in Steve and Jodi's relationship. Steve sums up their road to recovery this way:  "It was after the beginning to study the Bible with Jehovah 's Witnesses that we made the most significant improvement.  The help we gained  was invaluable.  As a result, we made it through those tough times." Jodi says:  "I feel richly blessed that we were able to endure through that terrible time.  By studying the Bible together, and with a lot of hard work, we now have a wonderful marriage."

If perhaps a period of time some contact is unavoidable (such as at work), this should be limited to what is absolutely necessary. Deal with the other party in the presence of others and with your mate's full knowledge.

ASK YOURSELF . . .

* What were my reasons for deciding to preserve my marriage despite past infidelity?

* What positive qualities can I see in my mate right now?

* How did I show love in little ways when my mate and I were courting, and how can I do that again? 

Next time: History Should We Trust It?

From the jw.org publications

Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness

4. Know When to Move On

Do not be quick to conclude that it is time to start living as if everything were back to normal.  Proverbs 21:5 cautions:  "Everyone that is hasty surely heads for want."  It will take time-perhaps years-to restore trust.

If you are the betrayed mate, allow yourself time to forgive fully. Mi Young recalls:  "I used to think it was strange if a wife could not forgive her unfaithful husband. I could not understand why she would be so angry for so long. However, when my husband was  unfaithful to me, I understood why forgiveness is difficult."  Forgiveness-and trust-are likely to come gradually.

That said, Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 states that there is "a time to heal." At first, you may feel that isolating yourself emotionally from your spouse is the safest course.  However, doing so indefinitely  will not help you to rebuild trust in your mate. To heal the breach, forgive your mate and express that forgiveness by sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings with your spouse. Also encourage your mate to share his or her joys and concerns.

Do not nurture bitterness. Work to overcome it.  (Ephesians 4:3) You may find it helpful to meditate on God's own example. He was deeply hurt when his worshippers in ancient Israel turned away from him. Jehovah God likened himself to a betrayed marriage mate.  (Jeremiah 3:8, 9; 9:2)   But he did not "stay resentful to tome indefinite." (Jeremiah 3:12)  When his people returned to him in genuine repentance, he forgave them.  

Eventually, when both of you are satisfied that the necessary changes in your relationship have been made, you will gain a sense of security.  Then, instead of giving constant attention  to merely saving your marriage, you can focus together on other goals.   Even so, schedule regular periods of time to evaluate your progress.   Do not become complacent. Deal with minor setbacks, and confirm your commitment to each other. -Galatians 6:9. 

TRY THIS:  Instead of trying to get your marriage back to the way it was, think of yourselves as building a new and stronger relationship.  

Next time: Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness -You Can Succeed

From the jw.org publications

Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness

3. Replace Old Habits With New.
After warning his listeners against adultery, Jesus counseled:  "If, now, that right eye of yours is making you stumble, tear it out and throw it away from you."  (Matthew 5:27-29)  If you are the offending mate, can you think of actions or attitudes that, for the sake of your marriage, should  be torn out and thrown away? 

Obviously, you need to break off contact with the other party in  the adultery. (Proverbs 6:32; 1 Corinthians 15:33)   Paul quoted earlier, changed his work schedule and his cell-phone number so that he no longer interacted with the other woman.  However, those efforts failed to break all contact. Paul was so determined to rebuilt trust with his wife that he left his job. He also got rid of his cell phone and used only his wife's phone. Has the inconvenience  been the effort? His wife, Debbie, says:  "It has been six years, and I still occasionally worry that she will still try to make contact.  But I now trust Paul will not succumb to temptation."

If you are the guilty mate, you may also need to make changes to your personality. For example,  you may have a flirtatious manner, or you may enjoy fantasizing about romantic relationships with other people.  If so, "strip off the old personality with its practices."  Rebuild former habits with new ones that will strengthen your mate's confidence in you.  (Colossians 3:9, 10) Has your upbringing made it difficult for you to express affection?  Even if it feels awkward at first, be generous in your expressions of  love and reassurance to your spouse.   Steve recalls:  "Jodi would often show affection with a touch of her hand, and she regularly said 'I love you.'"

For a time, you would do well to be completely open about your daily activities. Mi Young, mentioned earlier, states: Chul Soo made a point of telling me everything that happened during each day, even the  most important things, in an attempt to show me he had nothing to hide."

TRY THIS: Ask each other what actions are likely to help rebuild trust. List them, and then put them into practice. Also, add to your routine some activities that you can enjoy together.

Next time: Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness - 4. Know When to Move On.

From the jw.org publications 

Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness

2. Work as a Team.

"Two are better than one," states the Bible.  Why? "Because they have a good reward for their hard work.  For if one of them should fall, the other can raise his partner up."  (Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10) That principle is especially true when you are working hard to rebuild trust.

Together, you and your mate can make a stand against the mistrust that has infected your relationship. However, you both need to be committed to saving the marriage.  If you try to cope individually, you may be setting yourself up for more problems.  You need to view each other as partners.

That is what Steve and Jodi found.  "It took time," says Jodi, "but Steve and I worked together as a team to build a solid union. I was determined never to cause him such pain again. And although Steve was hurting, he resolved not let our marriage fall apart. Each day, I looked for ways  to reassure him of my loyalty, and he continually showed his love for me.  For this, I will always be grateful to him." 

TRY THIS: Together, resolve to work as a  team to restore trust in your marriage. 

Next time: Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness - 3. Replace Old Habits With New

From the jw.org publications

Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness

1.Be Honest With Each Other.

"Now that you have put away falsehood, speak truth," wrote the apostle Paul. (Ephesians 4:25)  Lies, half-truths, and even silence undermine trust. So you need to speak openly and honestly with each other.

At first, you and your mate may be too upset to discuss the infidelity. Eventually, though, you will need to talk candidly about what happened. You may choose not to discuss every detail, but avoiding the subject itself is not wise.   "Initially, I found talking about the affair incredibly difficult and distasteful," says Jodi, quoted above.  "It was  something I deeply regretted and just wanted to lock away and forget."  However, this lack of communication caused problems. Why?  Steve says,  "Because Jodi didn't want to talk about the infidelity, I remained suspicious."  In retrospect, Jodi acknowledges, "Not discussing it with my husband hindered the process." 

Without a doubt, any discussion about the betrayal will be painful. Debbie, whose husband, Paul, committed adultery with his secretary, says:  "I had a lot of questions. How? Why? What did they talk about?  I became an emotional wreck, thinking about it constantly and asking even more questions as the weeks went by."   Paul says: " Understandably, at times the conversations Debbie and I had become heated. But we always apologized to each other later.  Those honest discussions drew us closer together." 

How can you take some of the strain out of such discussions?  Remember that your primary purpose is, not to punish your partner, but to learn from the tragedy and to strengthen your marriage.   For example, Chul Soo and his wife, Mi Young, examined their relationship in the light of Chul Soo's infidelity.  "I  discovered that I had been too busy with private interests," says Chul Soo.  "I was overly concerned with pleasing others and meeting their expectations. I had been giving them most of my time and attention. As a result,  I had been spending little time with my wife."  This insight enabled both Chul Soo and Mi Young to make changes that, in time, had helped strengthen their marriage. 

TRY THIS:  If you are the unfaithful mate, refrain from making excuses or blaming your spouse. Take responsibility for your actions and the hurt you caused. If you are the injured mate, do not scream at your spouse or use abusive language. By avoiding such speech, you will encourage your spouse to continue talking openly to you. -Ephesians 4:32. 

Next time: Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness -2. Work as a Team. 

From the jw.org publications 

Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness

Rebuilding Trust

Steve: "I never imagined that Jodi would commit adultery.  I lost all trust in her. Words cannot describe how difficult it was for me to forgiver her."

Jodi:  "I understand why I lost Steve's trust. It took many years for me to prove my regret."

THE Bible gives victims of adultery the option to decide whether to divorce or  not. (Matthew 19:9) Steve, quoted above, decided not to get a divorce. Both he and Jodi resolved to save their marriage.   They soon learned, however, that this meant much more than just continuing to live together. Why?  Because, as noted in their comments, Jodi's infidelity shattered all trust between them. Since mutual trust is vital to marital happiness, they had work to do. 

If you and your mate are striving to save your marriage after as great a setback as adultery, you obviously face a difficult challenge.  The first several months after the news is broken may be especially trying. But you can succeed!  How can you rebuild trust? The wisdom found in the Bible can help.  Consider the following four suggestions.

Next time: Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness -1. Be Honest With Each Other.

From the jw.org publications 

WATCHING THE WORLD/Spotlight on the Environment

Although he earth produces clean air, nourishing food, and fresh water, humans are increasingly disrupting these natural processes. Scientists are desperately seeking solutions to reverse this trend.

Australia

It is estimated that as much as 120,000 cubic miles (500, 000 cu km) of low-salinity water lies beneath the floor of the world's oceans.   "The sea level was [once]  much lower than it is today," says Vincent Post of Flinders University in Adelaide, so the coastline was farther out. At that time, rain would "fill up the water table in areas that are nowadays under the sea."  Scientists hope that these undersea reserves may in time help some of the over 700 million people who have limited access to clean water. 

Sahara Desert

Half the large animal species once found in the Sahara have either disappeared or are now confined to only 1 percent or less of their original range.  Regional instability and widespread hunting are only partly to blame. Although biodiversity of desert rivals that of forests, researchers say that "lack of financial scientific attention given to desert biodiversity is mirrored by lack of financial support."  As a result, it difficult for conservationists to monitor endangered desert ecosystems. 

World

It has been estimated that 1 in 8 deaths in 2012 occurred as a result of air pollution. According to the World Health Organization, "air pollution is now the world's largest single environment health risk." 

Next time:Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness- Rebuilding Trust

From the jw.org publications 

HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE

How to Strengthen Commitment

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Examine your speech.   In the heat of a disagreement with your spouse, refrain from saying things that you will later regret, such as "I'm leaving you!" or, "I'm going to find someone who appreciates me!"  Such statements undermine commitment, and rather than address the issue at hand, they merely involve the two of you in an onslaught of insults. Instead of hurtful speech, you might say something like this:  "Obviously, we're both upset. How can we work together to resolve this problem?" -Bible principle:  Proverbs 12:18. 

Send out clear 'commitment signals.'  Keep a photo of your spouse on your desk at work. Talk positively about your marriage to others. Make it a goal to call your spouse each day while you are away. Frequently talk about "we," and use phrases such as "my wife and I" or "my husband and I."  By such actions, you will emphasize to others -and to yourself-that you are committed to your spouse. 

Find healthy role models.  Look to mature couples who have weathered marital problems successfully.  Ask them," What does commitment mean to you, and how has it helped in your marriage?"  The Bible says:  "As iron sharpens  iron, so one man sharpens his friend."  (Proverbs 27:17)  With that principle in mind, why not benefit from the advice of those who have made their marriage a success?

KEY SCRIPTURES

* What God has yoked together, let no man put apart." -Matthew 19:6

* Each one will carry his own load of responsibility." -Galatians 6:5. 

* Thoughtless speech is like the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is a healing." -Proverbs 12:18.  

COMMITMENT AND LOYALTY

"If you and a mate are loyal to each other, you enjoy a sense of permanence about your union. When you think about the months, years, and decades ahead, you  see yourselves together in the picture. The thought of not being married to each other is utterly foreign, and this outlook brings security to your relationship. One wife says:  'Even when I'm the most angriest at [my husband] and I'm most upset about what is happening to us, I'm not worrying about our marriage  coming to an end.  I'm worried about how we are ever going to get back-I just can see how right then.' " - From the September 15, 1003 issue of The Watchtower. 

Next time: WATCHING THE WORLD/Spotlight on the Environment

From the jw.org publications 

HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE

How to Strengthen Commitment

THE CHALLENGE 

On the day you got married, you made a vow.  That solemn promise was a lifelong commitment-a firm resolve to stick to your spouse and solve problems that would arise.

Over the years, however, the wear and tear of marital conflict has taken its toll.  Do you still feel as strongly committed to your mate?

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Commitment is the solution, not the problem.  Many people today are skeptical of commitment. Some would compare commitment to a ball and chain that shackles you to a bad decision. Instead, think of it as an anchor that can keep your marriage steady. A wife named Megan says, "During a conflict, one of the best things about commitment is knowing that neither you nor nor spouse is leaving."  Having confidence that the marriage itself is secure-even when certain aspects of it are in turmoil-can give you a foundation from which to resolve your problems. 

The bottom line: If you are experiencing problems in your marriage, now is the time to strengthen commitment, not question it. How can you do that? 

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Examine your view.   "Married for life." Does that phrase make you feel trapped, or does it make you feel secure?  When problems arise, does leaving always loom on the horizon as a viable option? To strengthen your commitment, it is essential that you view marriage as a permanent union. -Bible principle: Matthew 19:6.

Examine your history.  Your view of commitment might be influenced by what you observed in your parents.  "My parents divorced  when I was growing up," says a wife name Lea,  "and i worry that their experience may have left me with a negative view of commitment."  Be assured  that you can make things different in your own marriage.  You are not doomed to repeat your parents' mistakes! -Bible principle: Galatians 6:4, 5. 

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE - How to Strengthen Commitment

From the jw.org publications

What Makes a Good Friend?

Conclusion of 3. Have Realistic Expectations


WHAT PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR IN A FRIEND

Samuel:  "We often have higher expectations of others than we have of ourselves.  If we recognize our own mistakes and our own need for forgiveness, then we're more willing to forgive others." 

Daniel:   "Accept the fact that your friends will make mistakes.  When problems arise, we do well to resolve them quickly and try hard to forget."

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

"We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body."  (James 3:2)  Recognizing this simple truth can help  us to be understanding toward our friends.  That, in turn, will allow us to overlook major  faults and shortcomings that may irritate us.  The Bible says:  "Continue putting up with one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. . . . But besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is  a perfect bond of union." -Colossians 3:13, 14. 

4. Widen Your Circle of Friends

True, we need to be selective about the people we befriend.  But that does not mean narrowing our choice of friends to those of a certain age or upbringing.  Taking an interest in people of all ages, cultural backgrounds, and nationalities can truly enrich our lives. 

WHAT PEOPLE LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND

Unai:  "Making friends with only those who are your age and have the same  tastes as  you is like wearing clothing in your favorite color all the time. No matter how much you like that color, at some point you end up getting bored with it."

Note: No, what bores me is a person whom I have nothing in common with and also the fact that when I go visit them, I expect them to talk to me, rather than be rude and watch TV and ignore me most of the time I am there, which is why I do not go to visit her much.  We have very, very little in common.  When someone comes to see me. I either mute the TV or shut it off and devote my time to listen to them and what they have to say.  I would rather have a friend who likes me for me, and not only  what I can do for them.  The people here where I live expect something in return for what they give me. I am not like that. When I give something to someone I don't expect anything in return.  I could care less, I would just like to have a friend that I can tell my deepest feelings to or secrets if I had any and not be repeated to the whole bloody neighborhood. You see, here, someone had me having a heart attack and they never see me or rarely talk to me. I don't know who it was, and I don't care, except for the fact that whoever it is, has not known me or come around me enough to know anything about me. There are no true friends here in my neighborhood that I can actually count on for anything. If you don't give these people something to talk about, they will make something up. Been a victim of that!


Funke:  ""Widening my circle of friends has given  me the opportunity to mature as a person. I've learned to get along with people of all ages and backgrounds, and that has me   more outgoing and adaptable. And my friends really appreciate that."

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

"So in response-I speak to my children-you too open your hearts wide." (2 Corinthians 6:13) The Bible encourages us to reach out to people of all kinds. This inclusive, impartial view of friendship can add variety to life, as well  as endear you to others. 

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE-How to Strengthen Commitment

From the jw.org publications 

What Makes a Good Friend?

2. Be a Good Communicator

A true friendship cannot flourish without regular communication. So talk together about the interests you share. Listen to what your friend has to say, and respect his/hers' opinions.  Whenever possible, commend and encourage them.  At times, a friend may need advice or even correction, and that may not always be easy to give. However, a loyal friend will have the courage to point out a serious fault and offer tactful guidance.

WHAT PEOPLE LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND

Juan:  "A true friend should be able to express his opinions freely but not get upset if you don't agree."

Eunice:  "What I value most are friends who are willing to spend time with me and listen to me, especially when I have problems."

Silvina:  "True friends will tell you the truth-even if they know it will hurt-because they have your best interest at heart."

3. Have Realistic Expectations

The closer we get to a friend, the more likely we are to see their flaws. Our friends are not perfect, but neither are we. Therefore, we should never expect or demand perfection from the people we befriend. Rather, it is good to cherish their virtues and to make allowances  for their mistakes.

Next time: What  Makes a Good Friend?/ Conclusion of 3. Have Realistic Expectations 

From the jw.org publications

What Makes a Good Friend?

1. Show That You Really Care

That to me, means, not faking it, for one thing, for another it is someone you can count on any time, not just when it is convenient for them or you.  True friend ship involves commitment. In other words, a good friend feels a responsibility toward you, and he/she really cares about you. Of course, such commitment is two-way, and it requires hard work and sacrifice on both sides. But the rewards are worth the effort. Ask yourself, 'Am I willing to give of myself, my time, and my resources for my friend?'  Remember, to have a good friend, you first need to be a good friend.

WHAT PEOPLE LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND 

Irene: "Like cultivating a beautiful garden, building a friendship requires a lot of time and care. Start by wanting to be a good friend yourself. Be generous in showing affection and personal interest. And be willing to sacrifice your time when you are needed." 

Luis Alfonso:  "Modern day society encourages  egotism rather than altruism.  So it means a lot when someone takes a sincere interest in your without necessarily expecting anything in return."  

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY? 

"Just as you want men to do to you/for you, do the same to/for them.  Practice giving, and people will give to you." (Luke 6:31, 38)  Here Jesus recommends true unselfishness and generosity. Such generosity nurtures good friendships. If you expend yourself in behalf of your friends without expecting anything in return, they will naturally feel drawn to you. 

Next time: What Makes a Good Friend?/2. Be a Good Communicator

From the jw.org publications 

What Makes a Good Friend?

ON December 25, 2010, a 42-year-old woman in Britain posted a suicide note on a well-known social networking site. Her message sounded like a desperate plea for attention. Although the woman had more than a thousand social network "friends" online, not one  came to her aid.  The police found her body a day later. She had taken a fatal overdose. 

Today, modern technology allows us to make hundreds, or even thousands, of social network "friends" by merely adding their names to our list of computer contacts. And when we wish to end of those "friendships," we simply delete that person's name from our list.  However, the tragic incident involving the woman in Britain underscores a startling reality-true friendship still eludes many. In fact, one recent survey revealed that although we are socializing more, the number of truly close friends has decreased. 

Like most people, you probably agree that good friends are important. You may also recognize that there is more to being a friend that simply clicking links on a computer screen or a smart phone. What do you look for in a friend?  How can you be a good friend? What does it take to forge a lasting friendship? 

Consider the following four guiding principles, and note how the Bible's practical advice can help you to be the kind of person others would want as a friend. 

Next time: What Makes a Good Friend?/ 1. Show That You Really Care

From the jw.org publications

Blessings Greater Than Riches/The Way to Everlasting Blessings

Clearly, we can only find true and lasting happiness after we properly satisfy our spiritual needs.  If we put God first, we will find that every aspect of our lives becomes richer and more rewarding.

Thankfully, we can say that money will not always be a cause for concern. The Bible assures us of a future when greedy and exploitative commerce will be permanently removed. (1 John 2:15-17) God's new system of things that follows will be governed by his righteous principles.  The earth will be transformed into a paradise as God originally purposed it to be when he put the first couple upon it.  What a blessing it will be to see the entire earth filled with happiness, peace, and love! -Isaiah 2:-2-4; 2 Peter 3:13; 1 John 4:8-11.

Life at that time will not be austere or dull. Material blessings will accompany the spiritual as God fulfills his original purpose for humans to live forever in a paradise earth. We are assured that there will be enough food, shelter, and meaningful work for all. Poverty will be completely eradicated. -Psalm 72:16; Isaiah 65:21-23; Micah 4:4. 

Everyone who sincerely exercises faith in Jehovah, the God of the Bible, will not be disappointed.   (Romans 10:11-13)  How wise, therefore, to pursue now the blessings that are greater than riches! -1 Timothy 6:6-10. 

Next time: What Makes a Good Friend?

From the jw.org publications 

Blessings Greater Than Riches/A Lesson Often Painfully Learned

"Once above the poverty line," noted a thoughtful observer,  "increase in income have surprisingly little relation to personal happiness."  Early in the last century, a reporter had that lesson impressed upon him when interviewing Andrew Carnegie, a pioneer of the steel industry, who was then one of the richest men in the world.  "I am not to be envied," Carnegie told him.  "How can my wealth help me?  I am sixty years old, and I cannot digest my food. I would give all my millions if I could have youth and health."

The reporter then added:  "Mr. Carnegie suddenly turned, and in a hushed voice and with bitterness and with depth of feeling quite indescribable, said,  'If I could make Faust's  bargain I would. I would gladly sell anything to have my life over again." Another multimillionaire, oil magnate, J. Paul Getty, later said in agreement:  "Money doesn't necessarily  have any connection with happiness. Maybe with unhappiness."

You may well agree with the Bible writer who requested:"Give me neither poverty nor riches.  let me devour the food prescribed for me, that I may not become satisfied and I actually deny you and say: 'Who is Jehovah?' and that I may not come to poverty and I actually steal and assail the name of my God." -Proverbs 30:8, 9.

King Solomon of ancient Israel explained:  "I became greater  and increased more than anyone that happened to be before me in Jerusalem." Yet, he added: "Everything was vanity and a striving after the wind."  Solomon also stated:  "The blessing of Jehovah-that is what makes rich, and he adds no pain with it." -Ecclesiastes 2:9-11; 5:12, 13; Proverbs 10:22. 

Next time:Blessings Greater Than Riches/The Way to Everlasting Blessings

From the jw.org publications