How to Show Appreciation

THE CHALLENGE

Expressions of appreciation are essential to a successful marriage. Many husbands and wives, however, stop noticing their partner's good traits, much less expressing appreciation for them.  In the book Emotional Infidelity, one counselor observes that many couples who see him "are much more concerned with what is not happening [in their marriage] than with what is.  They're in my office to tell me what needs to change not needs to stay the same.  The mistake every one of these couples makes is that they fail to show love through appreciation."

How can you and your spouse avoid that pitfall?

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Expressions of appreciation can offset marital stress.  When a husband and wife make an effort to notice and acknowledge each other's good qualities, their relationship typically improves. Even severe tension can be alleviated when spouses feel appreciated by each other.

For wives.  "Many women tend to overlook the incredible pressure there is on men to provide for their families," says the aforementioned book, Emotional Infidelity.  In some societies, that pressure may even exist in dual-income families.

For husbands.   Men often underestimate a wife's efforts to support the household, whether through working, raising children, or homemaking.  Fiona, who  has been married for about three years, says:  "We all make mistakes,m and when I do, I feel bad about myself. So when my husband tells me I've done well at something around house-for example, with chores-I realize that he still loves me despite my flaws. I also feel supported and happier about myself!"

In contrast when a spouse feels taken for granted, it can threaten the very integrity of a marriage.  "When you don't feel appreciated by your spouse," says a wive named Valerie,  "it's easy to be drawn to someone who does make you feel appreciated." 

Next time: How to Show Appreciation/WHAT YOU CAN DO

From the Awake! magazine